
Its funny how you miss some things when they're not around. Other things, I don't even notice are gone until they're back and pissing me off. I'm not even terribly inconvenienced by them, maybe it took me 3 minutes longer to get to work today. Its just the randomness of them. They're like big roaming traffic lights with no purpose but to indiscriminately stop traffic, not turn right on red, and disperse speed bumps. Before you get your panties in a bunch, I'm not saying that kids are like speed bumps in that my car goes 'thump thump' as I hurdle over them at 35 mph. Its more like I slam on my breaks when I see one headed anywhere near the street, cause god-knows where he's going. I think it was Dennis Leary who said having kids is like being around drunken midgets. I think that's very profound. I mean, I'm not worried about any normal looking adult jumping out in front of my car. Drunken midgets around, I think I'd be on the lookout.
Other times I think kids are like rodents. Damnit, will you let me explain? Cats, dogs, normal pets. You look at them and you can see the gears turning, they're trying to figure out something; its almost as if you know the internal dialogue. "How can I get that steak off the counter and eat it before anyone notices?" "How do you get these doors to open?" "What is this ass going to make me do next?" Very transparent. Now, on to pet rodents. Rabbits for example: I have
no idea what's going on in that peanut up there. "I'm sitting still. I'm sitting still. I'M RUNNING!!!! I'm sitting still." There has to be more going on up there, but I'm not your guy if you need a rabbit-whisperer. Every once in a while I feel like I've got it, but then the thing will invariably freak out in some way and all my assertions are out the window.
Now, back to the shorties. I'm not as consistently baffled as with rodents, but sometimes its like there's no causation at all. I'm all for doing stupid things, but you have to have a reason. Even if it is stupid. And you also have to be able to survive the consequences. Even if they are stupid. Maybe some kids have dog brains and some got dealt a rodent. That would really would bring a bit of order to my world. But here's the real question: Can you tell who's going to grow up to be a moron? Cause lets face it, there are morons out there. And they had to come from
somewhere.
UpdateOk, so
rabbits aren't
rodents. Now I know. But in my own defense, the article says that the families of
lagomorpha are "commonly confused with rodents" and used to be classified as a superfamily under rodentia until 1912.
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