Nigritude ultramarine

It makes sense, trust me. So I just read all about google bombing and its all very interesting. Part of google's ranking system examines the sites that link to your site and the text that is the link. So if 5 people linked to the Placebo (and were spidered) all with the text "righteous party blog" I'd prolly skyrocket to the top of the list. (although not as quickly now since I just posted a link to another site with that text) Kinda cool. There was a month long competition last year to see who could bomb themself up to the top google response for nigritude ultramarine. I don't know why but today I'm all about esoteric competitions.

And as always, this twisting, turning, stream of consciousness post was brought to you by the letters G and O. And L and E. Original thought

Ohboyohboyohboy...

Its coming! Only one more week to go! Everyone's favorite secret project government agency off-road race. Yeah, you though I was silly back in June when I put the DARPA Grand Challenge on my outlook calendar. Well, who's silly now? Yeah, its still me. I haven't heard of any planned TV coverage yet, so if anyone runs across something make sure to let me know. Seems like ESPN2 should be all over this. I mean come on, a 150 mile robot race with a [puts pinky to mouth] 2 million dollar purse? Who doesn't want to watch that? And then they went and named it the 'Grand Challenge' which just puts it over the top. All I've got to say is that any parties I might be attending on Saturday the 8th of October had better be prepared for this spectacle.

Oh, the first qualifying round was yesterday and our boy Stanley brought it.

Why don't you buy a car I can see around?

I'm not usually all about dancing on graves, but since this one is just a figurative grave, I figure I'll figuratively dance on it. Good job American consumers! You've struck a blow for common decency and self respect. Ford is canceling its 'Excursion' line as offffff... right now. That's it, I put my foot down and they stopped. You see? You can accomplish anything if you put you mind to it. Just don't buy stupid shit and they'll stop making it. All it took was a 'war' and a couple hurricanes to make people unwilling to feed those monsters at the pump. What'll it take to get you guys to stop using AOL? Blow up the moon? Linky

Look Ma - no hands!

Esquire magazine took an interesting approach to writing an article. They did it badly. Luckily that wasn't an accident, they used the terrible and wrong piece to demonstrate how effective Wikipedia is. In two days the article was edited 373 times and cleaned into a respectable and informative magazine article. Obviously Wiki is sweet, and we already know that. But props to what's-his-face from Esquire. That was a ninja-sneaky way to get your job done without actually doing it. CNET

Time for a party, or maybe a camera.

After laboring with determination and resolve for month after month, the Internal Revenue Service has managed to cut me a check. Honestly, the check is dated 9-16, so some of the delay I'll lay on another federal agency (technically a corporation). there is $17.33 worth of interest added in, so I guess I'm glad of that. Where's my interest from the USPS? I'm a little afraid i'm going to dump this check into my account and I'll end up spending it on cheetos and fudgesicles. Come on people, this is found money! I need to parlay it into a big score, what should I get?

No bluetooth and no phone make Jack...

FUCKING PISSED OFF. How do such short sited and moronic people rise to such high ranking positions? No, I'm not going off on Bush again, although that statement still applies to Dubyah. Can anyone tell me? I'm really talking about Jon Rubinstein, a Senior VP at apple. He doesn't "believe in convergence theories" and is pretty sure that the iPod will stay as money as it is for the next ten years.

"On the iTunes phone I can load 100 tunes," said Rubinstein ."However, with the iPod my whole music collection becomes mobile."

But the iTunes phone sucks hairy balls! Everyone knows; blind rodents in China know that. So you'll take a marginally conceived product, release a TERRIBLE implementation of it and interpret failing market reaction as a public outcry against unified devices? That's like Henry Ford rolling out a motorized razor scooter and deciding that people didn't want cars. From the comments:

It'd take a company which doesn't already have a vested interest in keeping things this way to do it,

Hey you! In the phonebooth! Get out, google needs to dash in and save the world again. I dunno if they're even thinking of producing hardware products, but if they sold a VOIP phone with decent features for use with their new WiFi system I'd have one. Sorry, back to what a douche this guy is. I kinda hope for his sake he's just messing with us and doesn't actually think this stuff is true. Fact of the matter is, the ROKR sucks because its good for iPods if it sucks. A policy of "if it ain't broke, don't improve on it" is not one I can get behind. Apple is walking the line here, they've still got a bit of good karma left over from when they weren't raging tool bags. I'll spare the entire company for now, but this dude is going on my enemies list. Read the article and check out the comments, I bet you won't find too many assenting opinions.

Where did I put that damn hat?

Oh, its pimpin' time again. Why don't you go read a bit from SixPintsOfBitter? My buddy just started it and we all know that blogbies need love and readers. I figure if you all head over there and start makin a comment ruckus he'll have to get all up ons and start with the posting.

Oh Munich

What shall we research today? Disease? Famine? War? Instead the boys at the university of Munich decided to focus their attention on beer mats. Seems like a worthy pursuit. Actually if places started to use these things, I think I'd like it. Just shake your coaster for more beer, the faster you shake it, the faster the beer appears. Read more on WMMNA.

Badass.

So you use iTunes and like videos? You got some bandwidth and a cavernous harddrive? Check this out: apple is giving away music videos. Well, they're leaking them, I'm not sure if they mean to be giving them away. I hear the small versions are like 48 MB so you could fill up that new 120 GB drive with only a few sleepless nights of clicking. Ok, fine, 120 GB would be like 2560 videos, and at say... 5 mins a video it'd take you almost 9 days of furious clicking to fill it up. You get the point anyway smartass? Keep this on the DL though, we don't want them getting wise and plastering up the hole.

The Brazillian Job

All I have to say is this time I hope they have to use a bunch of carreras to race around and steal whatever they steal. No, seriously that's all I have to say.

I love the smell of convergence in the morning.

mmmmmm... What's that? The smell of someone cookin up a reasonable and usable utility? Oh baby. The whole reason I was so skeptical of these "GPS enabled phones" was the complete lack of consumer software to exploit the hardware. In other words, why would they put the added cost of GPS into the phone and then not offer the user a service based on that feature? Well now I can sleep easier at night. Sprint is rolling out an app for GPS directions on the phone. Excuse me? I don't have to carry around both a phone and a GPS unit? Brilliant! Someone should come up with a term for this kind of thing, and then companies should just do it.

Damn them...

Yeah, I mean those credit card companies. What's up with constantly increasing my limit? Mostly its not an issue, I haven't run out and bought that tv or camera on an impulse buy yet. But the card that I use for beer and iTunes music does NOT need to have another thousand dollars on its limit. I hand that card over at the bar and I used to feel some sense of security that I wouldn't get too crazy. I know I can request a lower limit, but that would contradict with my first desire; to not interact with them. The real kicker is that they don't even really notify me of it. It just shows up in my statement as more available credit. You'd think they'd be pleased to tell you with confetti and fanfare that they're proud of you as a customer and wish you'd get into more debt. But no, they've gotta be all sneaky about it. I can tell how this will end. Me and 26 people waking up in the gutter outside a pub with only a vague idea of how we got there. I know your game mastercard people, and its not going down like that. The 27 of us are going to split the tab.

Retribution!!!

Uh, well at least I can feel better about knowing I was legally wronged. The suit against Verizon for crippling the bluetooth on V710's has finally reached a settlement. Apparently I can get 25 bones (to pay Verizon with) or I can opt out of my contract without penalty. Buh? Wha? Zah? What happened to the "fix my damn phone that you screwed up with your manipulative business practices" option? If you're a lawyer and related to me, you should read this and see if we can get our twenty-five dollerzes. Maybe it only applies in California, I dunno. Engadget

Update
Oh, nevermind. Apparently you have to have activated your Motorola V710 cellular handset for Verizon Wireless on or before January 31st of this year. Oh, well that makes sense. Cause Verizon stopped selling junxed up phones then, and no one else out there has one and is pissed off about it.

Cheese or mustard

* Customer: "When my computer boots up, all I get is a black screen that says, 'boot2/'."
* Tech Support: "What operating system are you using?"
* Customer: "I'm using Windows 98 and NT 4.0."
* Tech Support: "Ok, I'm the Mac tech. The Windows tech is gone, but I can try to help you."
* Customer: "Ok, what should I do? I've reformatted the hard drive and have fresh installs of both operating systems."
* Tech Support: "Sir, have you put any cheese or mustard in your a drive?"
* Customer: "What? Did you just ask me if I put cheese or mustard in my floppy drive?"
* Tech Support: "Yeah, we've had that happen a lot lately."
* Customer: (staring blankly at roommate, who was laughing uncontrollably on the floor) "I think I'll wait for the PC tech to get back. Thanks for the help." (click)

So these sites are usually about stupid calls to tech support, but this page reverses the quandry. I highly appreciate the commentary as my experience with tech support has sometimes yielded similar results. I'll have to say that these guys are more justified in their outrage than the techs who post stupid questions. Its not my job to deal with stupid people.

Happy Google Day!!!!

Make sure you stop by and give a big fat hug and kiss to everyone's favorite seven-year-old. Also, does anyone know how to get in touch with them? I've got some ideas I'd like implemented.

At the market.

So after my couch sitting outting this weekend, we had another brainstorm. (it may have been during the couch sitting outting, its hard to tell where true genius starts) Guinness tastes like a tall frostly mikshake right? So what happens if you were to put ice cream INTO the Guinness? Well, one quick stop at the store later and we were prepared to find out. What do you buy when you go to the store on a Saturday night? I'm not sure if this effected the testing in any way, but we decided at some point to drink the other six beers before performing the experiment on the last two. Here's my conclusion: it wasn't bad. Just kinda made the drink very creamy. Overall it mostly just made me want a milkshake. Which is odd because drinking Guinness generally makes me want more Guinness. Maybe the icecream is more powerful than the beer; or more likely I just didn't really want to get tore up again that night. I wasn't going to post this, but then another friend told me about York Castle Tropical Ice Cream on Georgia. They apparently have a Guinness flavored icecream, which makes me feel a little less foolish for expecting the best. Honestly though, what are the chances that I'd stumble onto the correct proportions and serving style on the first try? I think this is something I should aspire to perfect.

All the way to the bank.

You know... if I had made some sort of bet... or financial agreement about the iPod nano not going over well. As it is I'm just laughing. Ha Ha, Stevie J. That's what you get for holding back on my bluetooth. Beotch. Oh, right, I forgot to tell you what the hell I'm talking about. Looks like nanos are cheaply made, the screens break and scratch, and people only buy them cause they're black. Come on people, why aren't you laughing? Oh, you bought one already? I guess that's a pretty good reason.

Ok, if you did get one read this for a shield review. If you didn't get one, read it anyway. I think I like those guys; the quality of picture and site design just speak to me.

If I were king...

So I was driving home last night and I got to thinking, like I do, about something that would be nice to have. I came whipping around an on ramp to get on the highway and was accelerating down a hill when it hit me. My car has a speedometer, but I think I'd like it to have an accelerometer as well. It'd have to be a fairly nice one though, because I don't just care about straight line acceleration. I want to know about my turning forces as well. Imagine a nice LCD display on the inside of your speedo that gives a 360 degree readout of which direction you're accelerating and how fast. Hey, you could even hook it to the short range radar and calculate how many seconds before you hit whatever's in front of you. I know putting these things standard in cars would be more expensive and probably either confuse people or make them drive more dangerously; I'm just saying - its an interesting thought. This is obviously lower on my list of addons-no-one-thought-of than the LCD display on my bumper that is hooked to the tac. But if I had both, the guy behind me could see when I drop the hammer in my Porsche and I could see how many G's I'm pulling as he's swallowed by the horizon.

Shutup, its a pain in the ass to SMS more than 5 words.

So i'm in ikea, sitting on couches. Its better than sitting at home cause i'm out doing something.

Update
(the names have been changed to protect the innocent)
Censored: did you buy anything at ikea?
EsotericMe3: no
Censored: were you looking for something in particular?
EsotericMe3: we were sitting on couches
Censored: this i think i am familiar with. what i'm getting at is... why were you in ikea in the first place? besides you seem to have an affinity for it.
EsotericMe3: we went to ikea to sit on the couches instead of sitting on my couch
Censored: who is "we"?
EsotericMe3: [BLANK] and i
Censored: last question and then i'll be thoroughly amused...
Censored: was [BLANK] shopping for anything?
EsotericMe3: no
EsotericMe3: why can you not believe me?

Still got it.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I could still get into college. I mean, these questions aren't even hard.

Disaster victims

Go look through this gallery of pictures from Katrina.(click the next button for more pics) There are very powerful images and descriptive captions. Something of this magnitude is hard to represent, this is a good set of shots that describe the damage and desperation of the storm.

Why don't you just leave my boy alone?

Microsoft, you just need to keep your head down and rake in the cash. You obviously have most (if not most, then a lot of) people's nuts in a vice in the software, OS, and development package areas. But you suck at searching. Just face it. Why you gotta be hatin' on my boy Google? What did he ever do to you besides expose the inability, selfishness, imprudence, and basic corporate hate that dwells deep in your soul? Folks, this is just another reason why AOL needs to die. I'd like to propose a metaphor here, and don't read too much into it, I don't go dressing up as Han Solo on the weekends or anything.

Remember Starwars episode 1? Ok, well AOL is that little Anakin kid. The light side is Google, the dark is Microsoft. We, as consumers are Liam Neeson (or you could be Ewan McGregor if you'd prefer). It is our reponsibility as knowledgeable and prudent individuals keep an eye on him. Wait until the first time he looks at the princess a little wired, then abandon him on some distant moon with no hope of rescue. And no air. And set a pack of angry ewoks on him. Hehe, that's funny.

Ok, so if you stopped following me I don't blame you. I don't think I was fully invested in the facade from the start. Here's the take-home lesson, if you didn't glean it: STOP USING AOL.

What the hell am I talking about? If you're reading this you're not on AOL. Good job.

How Microsoft can 'kill' Google

You stupid son-of-a-

So you know how iPods are nice? Nice like, they've got ok storage and a familiar interface. But how about making them great? Maybe a little FM transmitter? Maybe a little bluetooth? Well Steve says "NO!" Oh, yeah, you're right Steve, I've got no freaking idea what I want. Here's his real reasoning behind the statement:

The problem with Bluetooth headphones is that it’s not just recharging your iPod, you have to recharge your headphones too. People hate it. There are quality issues - the bandwidth isn’t high enough, and even if it does get there some day, people don’t want to recharge their headphones.

Soooooo, bandwidth? That excuse is terrible. That's like telling your parents you tripped and fell on a cigarette when they caught you smoking behind the garage. Bluetooth 2.0 is perfectly acceptable for streaming audio. And people don't want to recharge another device? Who are you, Nostradamus?

Last I checked bluetooth headphones existed; and people buy them. I'd think that alone would be proof enough to make you look like a moron. Ok, fine. How about some other uses for bluetooth? Car radios. Why would I need an FM transmitter if my car radio used bluetooth? I'd have a secure transmission with no interferance from radio stations or other disenfranchised iPod users. Even better, my iPod could start and stop when proximity to the car changes. Wireless phones. I know this would be cutting into your SUXR mobile phone (which sucks) but if there was bluetooth, I could use my phone and my iPod with the same headset. Phenominal! How about this: iPod remote? Sounds a little far fetched right now, but hear me out. You have a media center. Maybe its a Windows Media Center, maybe its a mac mini, heck lets say you're running myth TV on linux. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to control it with a device you already carry around with you? All I'm saying is that you could be thinking about how to make an iPod so much more than a harddrive (or now flashdrive, which is actually less inventive) on wheels. Make people need one, not want one. Hell, put Wifi in it. Give it a roll out 4 inch screen. Put gyroscopic sensors in it and make it a 3d mouse.

Steve, you know what people hate? They hate smug companies that tell them what consumers want. Instead of bitching about how great products already are, how about a little innovation? I'm gonna look around and see if I can find a link to that coffee table that charges devices when you lie them on top.(here we go.)

Bottom line, I'd much rather leave my wires at home than strap them to my body and walk around with them all day. I know you spent millions to make those wires an icon; but they're stupid.

Remember to get your WIDE ANGLE on.

Tonight. 10:00 PM. PBS.

Heck you could even do a little pre-reading beforehand.

Update
See? This is exactly why I can't watch TV. I don't have the aptitude for it. I have no interest in actually finding out when things are on, I just assume I'll be able to figure it out. And I did. When I tuned in at 10 to see the end credits for the show I wanted to watch. Good thing I've got that Tivo backup plan. Actually at 10 o'clock was a national geographic series with Edward Norton about invasive species. I watched for a little while, but couldn't take the irony any more when they started talking about the plight of New Orleans. Apparently the city had a nasty infestation of Chinese termites that was eating citizens out of house and home. I don't say 'had' to imply that the insects are gone, but because I don't think its a city any more.

Lie to me. But tell me you're going to.

Whew, good thing I can't stand watching TV news as it is. Otherwise I might be the target of the 'most powerful weapon in the world'. Read this article and then think about how you like the prospect of being lied to. Then think about who decides what to lie about and when to stop lying. If it was government sponsored then we wouldn't need to have these nasty oversight committees or 'presidential investigations' because the government would already know. Hey, maybe they won't even tell us when they've lied, wouldn't that be great? Of course that'd make a whole lot of new jobs in 'revising' the truth. But I'm sure the department of homeland security could swing a ministry of truth with no problem. I mean, we've already got the ministry of peace hammering away in Iraq; the ministry of plenty is handling the natural disaster in the south; and they tried their best to get that ministry of love going with the patriot act and Guantanamo. I'm almost upset that there's no identifiable agency designed to lie to us yet.

If you don't want to read about google... well too damn bad!

So I know it may seem, to the untrained eye, that I'm spazzing out nearly weekly about the newest thing that Google has come up with. Actually its only as often as they come out with something so awesome that, if I were wearing a cap or hat, it would be blown right off. Here we go again.

For the past few weeks people have been noticing that Google was buying up extra fiber and bandwidth infrastructure. There was speculation that perhaps the company would actually jump into providing internet access. Now apparently there is a page where you can download free VPN Wifi software from Google. The actual hotspots are still restricted to the west coast, but damn this is exciting. In fact, I'm too excited to write anything else. I'm gonna go see if I can find out any more. Read Engadget.

Update
Oh and the last part of Engadget with the error message "It's of your concern when the nearest wall is burning."” is exactly what I love about Google. They know people are gonna mess around with this stuff and leave little treats for the people who do. Like that wall in Grand theft Auto III that reads "You know you weren't supposed to be able to get here."