Daily Placebo

  • Friday, January 19, 2007
  • Maybe Something's Wrong With Me.

    I have never once, not even a little, considered meatlifting. I mean, I accidentally stole a pack of bubblegum cigarettes on a fieldtrip to Pennsylvania. (I'd left my backpack with money in it on a table outside and while I was getting the cash I noticed that I still had the gum in my hand even though I was clearly not in the store. I thought, 'huh, guess I technically stole this' and went back in with my money to pay.) But that's neither here nor there. What is here is this Slate article I lifted from Dee's google talk status message.

    Its about meatlifting, yes the act of stealing meat. Sure not as classic a term as cattle rustling, but still a scourge on retailers across the country. Stuffing their slacks with sausage, pilfering pork in purses, abducting Angus in under-arms... I could go on. But why meat? Well the article has some very well thought out reasons involving law enforcement, drugs, product placement, entitlement, enjoyment, and on and on. But its pretty damn clear if you've ever seen an episode of supermarket sweep. You head straight to the row of hams because the price of meat compared to its bulk. (then you head to the caviar isle, but that's only for more discerning lawbreakers) Sure a big ass rump roast probably isn't going to fit in your pocket but you can fit 80 bucks of fillets in most well proportioned pants. That said, I just need to comment on how disturbing I find the thought of a pocket filled with steak. So lets face it, if you can pull off baggy pants, you can pack a lot of meat. But here's the quandry: studies have found that demographically
    "aspirational meatlifters are most likely to be gainfully employed women between 35 and 54"
    I'd always thought the reason women carry purses was cause they have a lot of crap. But now I know. Its so they can steal meat.
    Your mom is a meat burglar. No, really.

    The article also comments on security and how restricting access to meat isn't really something most stores want to do. They'd just end up driving customers to competitors (psst, RIAA, see the subtle parallel to music and DRM?) or *gasp* online food merchants. Which got me thinking, if Peapod really wants to drag in the diehard meatlifters they should add a checkbox in your shopping cart for "steal the most expensive meat item." Yeah, that'd get the ball rolling.

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