Hopped Up On Heels.

Wow, talk about dedication to a stupid idea. I mean, don't get me wrong, ladies look nice in heels, but sometimes they just cause train-wrecks. And apparently they don't feel so good either. Luckily someone's figured out how to inject collagen into the bottom of your feel as a fix for one of the issues. And I thought women had a higher pain tolerance. Turns out they're just not as clever as me. Having a medical procedure instead of buying comfortable shoes just sounds silly.

• Foot-lifts

Dangle

"The game of skill and wits."

Summary:

Dangle is a game played with two to eight people using up to four frisbees and at minimum 6 bottled beers.

Minimum Requirements

• two people
• one disc
• six bottled beers
• open space at least 60 feet in length and 20 feet in width.

Recommended Requirements

• three or four people
• three or four discs
• 18 bottled beers
• groomed grass surface 80 feet long and 35 feet wide.

Glossary:

Areas

field- the loosely defined in-play area of the game; a reasonable proximity to the game.

ground- the surface of the earth or an extension of a structure or plant emerging from the earth.

side- one of two areas on the field where players stand, keep their stores, set the triforces, and execute their throws.

opposing side- the side that is currently being thrown to.

local side- the side that is currently making throws.

back plane- the plane defined as perpendicular to the ground and parallel to the front bottles which passes through the opposing rear triforce bottle.

front plane- the plane parallel to the back plane that passes through the local rear triforce bottle.

dmz- the area of the field between the front and back planes. This region's width is not specifically limited, although it need not be any larger than the arc a disc may take at a height of 6 feet from the ground and still return to the proximity of the opposing triforce.

Objects

disc- the Frisbee that the player introduces to the playing field during the current throw.

spent disc- a disc that has been removed from the field or has yet to be entered that half-round. Spent discs are not in play.

bottle- a glass (or plastic) beverage container

triforce- an equilateral triangle "pointing" towards the back of the field with its flat end facing the opposing side.

triforce bottle- one of the three bottles that make up the triforce of each side of the field.

store- the collection of empty and full bottles that are not in play and are in a storage device.

beer- a bottle that was opened by a player on the opposing side and has not yet been returned empty to the store.

stone- a disc or bottle that has come to rest in front of or intersecting the opposing back plane.

Durations

throw- an opportunity for a player to place a disc in play.

turn- the sum of one player's throws in that round.

half-round- all the players' turns on one side.

round- the two half rounds during which each player has had one turn. This process returns the Frisbees to their starting orientation, after which the players may rotate positions if it is necessary in the playing configuration.

end- a set of 10 rounds.

game- the sum of the ends played.

Pre-game:

Make 6 empty beer bottles. Warm-up rounds may be played with as many bottles as available, dividing the bottles evenly by placing the greater number on the side occupied by the least number of players.

Set-up:

Empty beer bottles are spaced a goodly distance apart into 2 groups of 3. The bottles shall be placed in, as close as ground conditions allow, a triforce with side length no more than three disc diameters. The triforce is oriented with the point away from the dmz.

Game-play:

The players will take turns one at a time throwing discs at the opposing bottles. Players throw from behind the front plane of the local triforce. If a player knocks over a bottle it is scored immediately but left in place on the field as a stone until that player's turn has concluded. Opposing and local players should keep clear of the dmz during throws and may not interfere with discs in that area. After the turn all displaced bottles are returned to triforce orientation. Discs that come to rest behind the back plane may be cleared by the opposing side, however discs that do not clear the back plane are to be left in play as stones until the half round is over. There are 10 rounds in and end. The number of ends played is the same as the number of people playing.

Scoring:

Score is determined by the number and type of valid contacts made to bottles. Each player is responsible for his own score and shall keep a running tally in his head. Points are generated from the following types of contact:

• the disc or a stone touches the bottle (a dink)- 1 point
• the disc or a stone knocks the bottle over after contacting the ground - 2 points
• the disk knocks the bottle over without first contacting the ground - 4 points

Clarifications and Addenda:

• Beers are in play and hold the same value as triforce bottles.
• Bottles in a store are not in play.
• If a stone is placed into motion by the disc it may generate valid contacts with bottles.
• If more than one bottle is contacted by the disc or a valid stone all contacts are scored as normal and the result is multiplied by 2.
  

Reverse Anthropomorphism.

The cold water doesn't work in the bathroom.  It wasn't for as long as I've worked here.  You turn the knob but nothing happens.  So its scalding hot water or nothing.  I just realized that I look like a bear trying to catch salmon as I swipe at the water, trying to wash the soap off my hands without burning myself.

Snake In The Phone.

See?  Now this is the kind of noise that makes me not want to be a wireless customer.  They've got "sticky downwards" pricing, which means its much easier for the customer charge to go up than down.  There are all kinds of taxes in your phone bill that tack on extra charges and they don't hesitate to pass new taxes right on to their customers rather than take a hit on the bottom line.  But don't go thinking, even for a second, that you'll see the friendly end of a tax-break on that bill.  Those go straight in the snake's pockets.

• Techdirt: Sprint Passes Along Tax Increases To Customers, But Conveniently Ignores Tax Cuts

I can't wait till someone takes the wind out of these guys' sails and tells it like it is.  They're a "bit pipe" like TechDirt says in discussing the reasons that Verizon declines on the iPhone earlier.  They want to be content providers and are getting dragged kicking and screaming into providing only a connection.  ( Like when we recently reset our Comcast connection and they needed our Comcast email address to complete it.  We don't know our Comcast address.  We don't use our Comcast address and we never will.)  Anyway, that's apparently why Apple went with Cingular over Verizon, the latter wasn't willing to be more of a "bit pipe" letting Apple handle more content and service than ever before.  The Verizon CEO said "They would have been stepping in between us and our customers to the point where we would have almost had to take a back seat … on hardware and service support,"  Shit, that's the best sales pitch Verizon could've made to me.  "We're not really in charge of anything."  Where do I sign up for that?

• Techdirt: Verizon Implies Cingular's Giving Up Way Too Much To Carry The iPhone
• Verizon rejected Apple iPhone deal - USATODAY.com

Minor Delays.

So I was on my way home last night at about 12:00 when I got on 95 south.  It was a cloverleaf interchange and I was zipping around the curve so I had enough speed to merge with traffic on the freeway.  I had my left blinker on and was going about 55 off the ramp when I heard a "woop woop" from behind me.  There was a cop with his lights on coming behind me, so I slowed down and didn't merge.  I let him go past and as I did I noticed three things.  1) there were two cops driving side by side  2) they were driving in two lanes each, so as to block 4 lanes of traffic. 3) they were going about 45.  So I fell in and proceeded in this little motorcade for about a mile before the cops crept to a stop.  Crap.  I've heard about this before but never seen it.  They closed the highway for some kind of construction.  The whole thing.  So I sat for 45 minutes while they took care of... well basically nothing I could see when I finally got to proceed. 

There were a couple interesting parts when some moron went cruising down one of the closed left lanes at about 40 right past the two cops with lights on.  The left cop few up and stopped him before he ran anyone over.  They had a little chat and reversed back to where every one else was waiting 200m up the road.  Then a couple impatient folks in minivans came creeping up the shoulder real stealth-like.  They inched in front of the semi behind me, saw the cops and stopped just off my quarter-panel.  Which would have been fine, except for when the ambulance came down the shoulder and we all had to make room for the morons to clear the shoulder.  Hello?  That's what shoulders are for, not so you can cut in line.

But my real beef is with the location of this closure.  Why wouldn't you close the road at the last exit, so that people can get off the closed road?  Or maybe put a sign up about it, so I don't get on if I can think of a better way to go.  I was making a 15 minute trip that'd take 20 without using the highway.  Instead I spent and hour including my little camp-out on 95.    Never mind that 12:00 isn't really that late and there are plenty of cars on the road, just tell me the fecking road is closed so I can get off it!

As a side note, while I was looking for highway closure information (couldn't find this event listed) I found this page of traffic speeds in MD.  I find it amusing that the majority of the roads' traffic is "over 65" when 65 is the 'maximum' speed on non-urban highways in MD.  Kinda wish they'd list the actual stats so you can see if its 66 or 80.

Just Making Shtuff Up.

I read about the South Sandwich Islands in my National Geographic recently. They made for some very dramatic images with all the birds and blue ice. There's basically nothing there and it was only valuable as a whaling base. Now there's just a few scientists and a crap load of birds. Its an interesting place, if only because its to remote, so read up on it if you'd like.

But what I'd like to focus on is the naming. The island chain was (re)discovered by James Cook in 1775 and named Sandwich Land. (I know it sounds like the country that Mayor McCheese would constantly defend McDonaldLand from.) Anyway, as most of us know this moniker was intended to honor the 4th Earl of Sandwich, major sponsor of Cook and proponent of sandwiches. However it was not the last time that Cook would use it. Three years later in 1778 he would discover Hawaii and name it the Sandwich Islands, prompting "South" to be appended to the original Sandwich Islands' name.

Sounds kinda like the Earl didn't really appreciate having an island chain that, ask Cook said, was "not worth the discovery" as his only namesake. So when Cook found a more appealing locale he took the name and dedicated that parcel to his benefactor. As a result the Sandwich Islands and the South Sandwich Islands are nowhere near each other. They don't even share the same ocean.

• Wikipedia: South Sandwich Islands

No iPod Till You Clean Your Room.

I don't want to get into a big debate about the state of North Korea, or how the world community should be handling it.  Whether Kim is a big boy and should be allowed to make his own decisions; but I have to tell you I'm feeling more and more like he's being treated like a middle schooler.  The latest development is that he's not allowed to have an iPod.  That'll probably make him see things our way.  After all, who can resist the allure of Apple's shiny magic style.

• Engadget: Kim Jong Il's iPod, Wine Orders get denied by US

Internet Magic.

I don't usually get songs stuck in my head that I know nothing about.  For instance:  you know that Safeway commercial with the cut-out people that should be way more annoying than it actually is?  Maybe you're annoyed with it but I've only seen it three times and one of those was on purpose.  Well I know virtually nothing about that song, but I can still find out that its the Fratellis - Chelsea Dagger because I know it came from a commercial, I remembered that it was on during 30 Rock last week, and the third time I saw it I noticed it was an add for Safeway.

Well this is for those of you being driven crazy by a tune that you know nothing about except that its in your head and you can't get it out.  Before you take a drill to your temple, check out Midomi.  Its a site that claims to be able to identify the wretched impression you come up with whether it be whistling, humming or some other machination.  I'm not sure how accurate your pitches have to be or how long of a clip you'll need to produce, but its probably worth trying out.  If only so you know that no one should be able to identify what you thing you're humming.

• Download Squad: You Know The One That Goes...

State Of The Cons-umion.

No I didn't watch the State of the Union.  I've been doing my best to keep my head down and pretend that Bush doesn't exist until the situation resolves itself.  Which is, ironically, very much like Bush's foreign policy.  Not having watched, I don't really have any opinions to put forward (ethanol and coal?  You dirty son-of-a-...) about what was said or not said.  I will, however, refer you to Martin Eberhard of Tesla Motors.

• The Tesla blog: Vintage Oil and Other Hare-Brained Ideas

"One of the foremost principles that led me to found Tesla Motors was that, electric cars move our choice of energy source upstream from the vehicle, making them the ultimate multi-fuel vehicles: You can power them with clean (or dirty) coal; wind or solar power; clean, safe (or otherwise) nuclear energy; or even good ol' oil."

Upstream, this is the concept I've been talking about for as long as I knew you could run a car off electricity.  Now I've got a nice word for it.

"Imagine if you got a $25,000 tax credit for buying an EV for your "business," like you can for a Hummer "

Yeah, imagine politicians did more than pay public lip service to the environment before turning around and selling other peoples' souls to the auto and oil industries.

"I am not so enthusiastic about stepping up domestic oil production. I actually like our wildernesses, and I don't think we need to fill our few remaining unspoiled places with oil extraction industry. Lots of other people have written on this subject; let me just agree with them."

Damn right, Martin.  Well said.  I need to figure out how to get more into this company, short of stealing $100,000 for a roadster or for a 50,000 Whitestar.

iBet.

There's a little back and forth over at Wired about the impending impact of the iPhone. Some think it'll be big, catering to a new type of user, while others think that they're missing the mark and trying to take the smartphone market in a direction it might not want to go. There's lots of nice points about economics and precedents that I'm not going to be able to match. All I know is what I like.

"If Apple listened to their customers, we'd have a boring phone that looks like an iPod, click-wheel and all -- that's how most envisioned the iPhone."

Uh, no. If they listened to me they'd be making bluetooth video iPods with full length touchscreens. I can wait a few years for full phone convergence, I just want my damn gadgets to play nice in the meantime. Click wheels were novel, but now they're passé. I want color tactile displays that change content if not some type of holographic flavor.

He is right about some things though, I don't give a crap about what's already out there in the smartphone market. I'm not looking for a tiny keyboard or a stylus. I don't care about syncing with outlook or continuous email contact. I want to choose the options that I need and don't care about "features" that are marketed to other demographics. Give me a wifi connection and some hardware that makes it reasonable to use the Internet and I'll scout my own hotspots and use my choice of messaging medium. That'd make for a great iPod right there, but to make an iPhone we're talking network. I'm pretty sure that monkeys in Korea can make the hardware for phones today, so unlike the iPhone's groundbreaking user interface, the GSM innards are the same old crap.

And herein lies the problem. I have an innate distrust of wireless providers. I perceive them as parasites trying to suck as much life out of me without making me pissed off enough to do something about it. The iPhone is different from an iPod not just in its interface, but in its dependence on a parasite. I don't have to use the iTunes Music Store to use my iPod. (And I don't.) Heck I don't even have to use the iTunes software to load content onto my iPod if I don't want to. But throw down for a wireless phone and you must hitch your wagon to one of these providers. Its an entirely different kind of product (with a service) and an entirely different level or customer commitment.

So we can talk all day about these things, whether or not the design is too far fetched to curry existing smartphone customers, whether its different enough to persuade new users into the market. But in the end Apple isn't even selling these things, Cingular is, so arguing about whether the iPhone will have a similar impact on the market is almost silly. Of course the phone market is more established than the portable mp3 player market was. And of course there's a larger entry hurdle for buyers to get over than with an iPod. But if you look at this from a User Interface trend perspective, screens are getting larger, functions are more familiar, and input devices are becoming more varied. People that want to peck away at tiny keys have their devices, while the rest of us have been waiting out something else. Of course someone was going to make a mobile touchscreen. Apple just got one to market first and they've got the "disruptive technology" chops to make everyone start arguing about whether this is the new wave. Its an option. If you don't like it, wait it out and the voice recognition and holographic input folks will be around the corner in a little bit.

• WIRED Blogs: Cult of Mac

Daily Placebo Metrics.

You know its time to clean out your car when you can see trash piled in the backseat from 3 floors up across the parking lot.

For Sale: Jail Cell. Excellent Location.

Do me a favor.  Look at the room around you.  Now imagine a box on the floor 7 ft by 11 ft.  I'm guessing that wherever you are that box will fit without too much trouble.  Now imagine living in that box, with all your possessions and paying $334,000 for the privilege.  Thats $4300 Per Square Foot.  Of course, you'll probably pay a bit more since you'll have to remove all the rubble and add lights.  Yes, that's right a dark rubble filled closet for more than a McMansion anywhere else.  Where does the queue start?

It's situated in the Chelsea district of London, that's becoming the place to be with access to bars and all types of upscale hot spots.  Although I'm not really sure that brining a lady back to your ex-janitor's closet will seal the deal.  Even if it is in Chelsea.  Hell, the estate agent described it as "incredibly depressing."  Sure, its the most affordable property in Chelsea, if you don't count sleeping in a cardboard box under a bridge.  But the square footage would be comparable and I'm guessing the box would be hella cheaper.

Get Rich Slowly » Tiny London Apartment for $334,000

Yeah, I'll Get Right On That.

There's a post on Engadget about Uncle Milton Toys requesting them to discontinue the use of the trademarked phrase "Ant Farm." Really? You guys are the original Ant Farm creators? I guess I never really thought there was just one place this started, I mean kids putting bugs in jars is as old as the sun. And I had an actual ant farm when I was little. That was the worst bug prison ever, those mofos were all over my room. (and no, they didn't grow shit.) I just find it hard to believe that Uncle Milton is still keeping up the good fight to ward off the genericide of their brand. I mean, sure when you do a Google search Uncle Milton comes up as a related search term, but they're not directly among the results. And while I don't think I've ever heard of Uncle Milton, I definitely haven't heard of a formicarium, which is what an ant farm technically is. But hey, maybe they are the only ones making these things and the brand is so prolific that I just assume there must be competitive formicary suppliers out there. Basically I'm going to have to plead ignorant on this one, but I think I associate any glass box with ants inside with the term ant farm. I guess I could start using ant rodeo, or ant commune, or ant walden two. But I doubt I will.

And I like Engadget's response, basically "pfff... whatever." Cause they know that defending your mark is part of the process of fighting genericide. Wikipedia notes that: "One risk factor which may lead to genericide is the use of a trademark as a verb, noun, plural or possessive" So I'm thinking about working the term into my vernacular as a verb. You know, boxed in, contained, captive, existing to proliferate, having tunnel vision. Here are some examples I've thunk up:

I've been so ant farmed all week I haven't even had time to watch TV.
I'm gonna ant farm the crap outta her after we get married.
The next time that guy ant farms my car I'm gonna smash his window.

I think it works.

• I, for one, welcome our new ant farm overlords - Engadget

Why Would I Watch The News?

I can just make up random facts to believe on my own. Did you know that stars are actually chunks of hot meteor orbiting around the Earth? See? It wasn't that hard.

Isn't there some kind of punishment for false inflammatory statements meant to injure the reputation of an individual or group? I mean, I know that Fox News isn't responsible for repeating the completely slanderous information about Barack Obama, they're just ridiculously negligent and will never be taken seriously again. But someone at Insight Magazine needs to go down hard. Moreover, good for Obama for not taking that crap. Click through to read the statement released about douche bags in the media.

• Horses Mouth: Obama Takes On Fox News
  

The Easiest Way To Stop Smoking.

Blunt head trauma. What if you just forgot that you ever smoked in the first place? Or that you had an addiction, a dog, or a family... Admittedly whacking people on the noggin isn't probably the best treatment, and the article starts off with stroke as the catalyst. But studies show that damaging parts of the brain can help people forget to be addicted to cigaretttes *poof* overnight. "The researchers found that damage to the insula – a brain region that promotes conscious feelings of hunger, pain and cravings – allowed some heavy smokers to quit with ease." Sounds great, a world with no hunger, no pain, no cigarettes. How do you give strokes to people on purpose?

• Brain damage can erase cigarette addiction - health - 25 January 2007 - New Scientist

Go Get Your Thinkin Cap.

Wow, I thought I was up to date with all the cool Google Betas out there. But check out GapMinder, its a nice flash implementation of various world statistics by country over time. There's both chart and map views along with temporal animations. You can highlight nations to track over time, select color and size symbology and zoom in on interesting trends. Lots of options make for lots of interesting results. Go play.

• Goolgle: GapMinder

Is BuzzFeed Buzzworthy?

So I checked in on my site stats today, expecting lackluster numbers to reflect my lackluster performance. No, my hits for yesterday skyrocketed! (relatively speaking) Huh? I didn't do anything special... did I? A little further investigation and the vast majority of the readers came from a site called BuzzFeed.com OK, what the hell is that?

From their site's explanation they've got software that monitors the blagosphere and comes up with new trends that people are talking about. So if you look closely you'll note that my little rumination on meatlifting is the top listing in that trend for some reason. Sure, its under a different title (theirs is way better by the way) but its my post picked up mere hours days after I blaged about a hot topic. Shit Dee, thanks for the link, I had no idea you were so savvy. Maybe I should gank your profile links more often.

I spose it appears that BuzzFeed is a pretty interesting site, kinda like picking horses at the track. I'm willing to let it on my feed for a week to try it out. I'm not really sure how much editorial interaction there is in the process, but I assume there is some which could become an issue if it blows up like Digg. Digg is too damn big for its own good, I can't even check it any more. I run through an RSS list of the ten most popular things and then I'm audi. I'm more about a tight but pervasive group, people who've got an eye on everything cool and actually remember what's already been cool 7 months ago. And who knows, that might be exactly what BuzzFeed is. But they've gotta watch out for self fulfilling site syndrome, which is a highly technical concept that I've just made up. You don't want things to become trends because they are listed on the site, predicting the future isn't as impressive if you control it. So check it out if you'd like, but don't tell your friends. We don't want this getting out of hand.

• BuzzFeed: Meatlifting

What Is Going On Here?

Check out this aerial imagery of a Nimitz class Aircraft Carrier located west of Shanghai, China.

• Aircraft Carrier

Notice anything? Zoom out a little. Yeah, its in a pond. Now, I know there are various floating casinos that basically have motes around them. But that's to avoid local gambling laws. What could be the point of having an aircraft carrier on a duck pond?

Well, it turns out that's a kickass "military education center" at an after school camp. Its a building in the shape of a 7/8 scale Nimitz Nuclear Carrier. "Think of it as a cross between summer camp, a school field trip, and a communist EPCOT Center." Wow, that place sounds great. And at 6 bucks to get in, I'm definitely going next time I'm in Shanghai.

• Nimitz Building

To Repair Or To Replace, That Is The Question.

Reader mail, that'd be a gold mine of material.  But no, you chumps just wait till the next time you see me to ask questions.  (For you guys in Colorado, just keep waiting, I swear I'll swing by soon.)  Well Dave Zatz is flush with mail, so he's doling out advice left and right.  Take this iPod question for example.

It costs more for Apple to repair an old iPod than to buy a new one.  What do I do? 

Well for me the answer is pretty clear.  I was thinking about buying a new one two months after I bought mine and Apple came out with double the battery life.  It never had stellar endurance but now it won't last 3 metro rides (70 mins) using my bluetooth (read: external power source) headphones.  That's some weak shite.  The only reason I can stand it is that I use it at my desk(firewire), in my car (firewire FM transmitter), and at my work desk(USB 2) and pretty much nowhere else.

Anyway, Dave gives some well advised answers.  I really like the "slap the ipod against something" suggestion, although I'm not too sure about his entirely reasonable rationalization.  I'm pretty sure nothing like that is running though my head when I smack a dysfunctional piece of equipment.  Although I do check to see if it fixed the problem.  But after that, the best advice is to move on.  The iPod is so popular because it just works.  There isn't a whole bunch of configuring and tweaking.  And if it doesn't 'just work' its time to get rid of it.  I mean you could buy a Zune if you'd wanted a doorstop.

Despite my ownership of their product and plans to redouble that involvement, you may know that I've got beef with Apple's accelerated obsolescence scheme.  But this is just being sneaky about it.  Charging more to fix an old one than it costs to buy a better model.  I mean, come on!  I'd rather you tell me, 'sorry we no longer repair that kind of iPod.'

We all know how Apple has managed to squeeze so much extra play time into the newer models.  Marginally better batteries, more efficent screens, storage technology and power schemes.  Oh and by avoiding an obvious features.  I may be wrong but it sounds like Dave is a little pissed about the lack of an FM transmitter too.  They're getting to the point where there are so many models they might as well have another one with FM.  You buy that model, you sacrifice a little battery life, raise your hand if you're ok with that.  But of course I've been holding out on buying a new one in the naive belief that there's a bluetooth model coming.  Its not coming; it wouldn't 'just work.'  There are so many minor improvements that are so much easier than creating robust bluetooth compatibility; and they won't detract from the raw play time stats.   Is it too much to ask for a device that talks to my wireless headphones, car and cell phone?  Yes, yes it is.

• Zatz Not Funny: question of the day

Work, Reproduce, Perish.

This is pretty hilarious.

If you don't know about Second Life let me shatter your bliss right now.  Its an online system where people create 3d models of themselves or objects or places.  Its a fictional world where you pay real money for real (fake?) estate, goods and 'services'.  All of which is fictional and at the whim of Linden labs.  There have been quite a few instances where people debate if real laws apply to a make-believe world.  Like when someone cons you out of 'lindens' (the ingame currency) is it fraud or just part of the game?  You can read more on Wikipedia- Second Life.  And TechDirt usually covers the ins and outs of the quasi-legal implications.

Anyway when I first heard about it a long time ago it sounded kinda intriguing.  Making models and creating a virtual world based on the contributions of its users.  Want to add something?  Just make it, or hire someone to make it for you.  But that fancy only lasted about a week, not even long enough for me to download the software or create a trial account.  So yeah, my entire perspective of this thing is from the outside.  But this thing is getting out of hand.  Companies (and even politicians) having press conferences and release statements, arguing who's the first millionaire, gambling, and other services (nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more.)  Seriously?  I'm not just not intrigued any more, I'm getting annoyed.  And I'm not the only one.

Tech Crunch links to a site called First Life.  Get it?  Playing on the fact that the people who participate in this community are seeking a second life when they have yet to encounter a first.  Haha.  Those losers.  The best part of the page is the small text that reads "fornicate using your actual genitals"  There's also a bit about Teen First Life that mocks Teen Second Life that was created to keep underage users from creating fraudulent accounts and participating in the adult grid.  All-in-all a good parody of a well-deserving subject.

TechCrunch: First Life

Men:Stupid::Water:Wet

Ouch. And all these years I thought I was a better driver than the blinder wearing cattle I pass on the freeway. Apparently not, according to a study that declares women better drivers. Jalopnik, of course, denotes that while the difference is obvious to us, the press doesn't do a good job distinguishing "skill" from "safe". So of course I still think I'm a better driver even though I'm 77% more likely to die in a freeway collision than Ms. No-look-lane-change-Excursion. (huh, I woulda thought my car type alone puts the odds against me more than that) And of course the old explanation is that men are more likely to do stupid things which Jalopnik commented "is sort of like announcing that water is wet."

I don't need to go dig up one of those studies that examines risk taking behavior do I? You remember all about how they're displays of strength and daring designed to gain the attention and respect of our PEERS and womenfolk. Its hardwired. Now, don't get highway deaths all mixed up with this risk taking behavior excuse, cause that's not the cause in the highest fatality group. Old women are less able to survive the crashes they create. So they take the title followed closely by males aged 16-23 years who obviously are taking risks.

But I have trouble taking the findings here seriously. I mean, they concluded that the safest time to be on the road (based on deaths per mile) is during morning rush hour. No crap. Its safer in a parking lot than on a highway; but I want to be on a highway. I'd like to see this study redone with average travel time factored in. I mean, sure women may be safer drivers, but I bet we'd all be safer drivers if we were pedestrians. Lets not forget that while some chick may just be bobbing her head to Melissa Ethridge while we're parked in traffic, I'm being killed by the stress and inefficiency.

But lets be serious. The point of cars is not safety. They are inherently unsafe devices. The point is to increase our mobility and reduce our travel time. We need to live in the boondocks and drive 40 miles to work every day and we've accepted that 43,000 people need to die every year to achieve this goal.

• Original Article

• Jalopnik: Study kicks men in the goin

Your Dog Is So Fat, When He Sits Around The House...

Only we have such a surplus of unnecessary social and health issues that we're forcing them on our animals.  That's right, our dogs are so obese that the FDA has just approved the first Doggy Weight-loss drug.  Well, not all dogs, only 5% of them.  But that's still 62 million canines that are needlessly pudgy.  You know the ones I'm talking about, the ones that belong to "people [that] take their dog to the fast food joint or drive-through for an ice cream cone or hamburger."  I'm imagining that these puppies don't exactly get a lot of exercise either.

Pfizer isn't really sure how the drug works at this point, even after testing it on 500 fat dogs.  But they want to make sure people understand that its only for dogs, not cats or people.  "The most common side effect of the drug is vomiting – others include diarrhoea and lethargy."  Uh, yeah I bet I'd lose weight too if I was on a drug that made me puke and shit all over the place.  You guys need me to explain how that works?

• New Scientist: US approves obesity drug for dogs

Decision Time.

How terrible is it that I have a harder time deciding on a team for the super bowl than in a national election?

I was two years old when the Colts were shipped out of Baltimore on Mayflower trucks in the middle of the night. So I was never genuinely pissed off about it. I do remember when I learned about it though. There was a parade in Towson and the Colts' Marching Band went by with great fanfare. I was amazed that adults could have acted so childishly and that someone could abscond with a whole team; it seemed like the city owned the team, not a single man. My dad explained to me that while the Colts changed cities, the marching band stayed behind because it was made up of local citizens and fans. This amused me to no end. Not the fact that a volunteer organization didn't uproot itself, but that they still held the right to call themselves the Colts' Marching Band. I mean, that was the best 'screw you' I'd heard of to date. And yes that subsequent CFL venture, the Baltimore Colts err... Stallions were a damn good jab too. "Hmm, what's better than a colt, but still pretty much the same thing?"

So after all those years of harboring residual dislike, stealing the Browns was quite the cathartic exercise. I voted for the Ravens name (as I recall I also called to vote for the blue M&M that year too) and everyone was pretty happy to have an NFL franchise again; casting away those CFL phenoms no one seemed to remember.

Now, don't interpret my commentary as disparaging to the ravens, cause I like having a hometown team and everything. But I think we shoulda kept the Colt's Marching Band instead of christening them the Baltimore Marching Ravens. I mean how great would it be on those occasions when we played the Colts? The largest NFL affiliated marching band all wearing Colts uniforms and cheering the Ravens. That's like showing up to a street race with a dude's ex-girlfriend.

But back to picking a team for the upcoming bowl, I don't really hate the Colts all that much. And I'm a believer in the "root for the team that beat you" philosophy which brings them to just about even. I like Peyton cause of his commercials where he cheers for everyday people, so they get a small bump for that. But on the other side, my only positive feelings about the Bears come from SNL sketches about Mike Ditka.

And we've got a real heated battle for my favor.

• Baltimore's marching ravens - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

All Set For The Spring Bombardment?

Speaking of knowing what women want, I'm pretty sure every special lady in your life would love t