Following In Their Goose-Steps.

When I first caught wind of the term "homeland security" I immediately thought "Nazis".  And that was before we started sequestering rights and compromising basic freedoms.  This torture bit only serves to further the analogy of a group that's too over-reaching for its own good, striving to eradicate a group of scapegoats before they harm our society.  Oh, sorry George, its not "torture", its "enhanced interrogation."  Of course that's what the Nazis called it too.  And they were a little more squeamish than the Brush administration at the outset, not allowing hypothermia or water boarding.  Pussies.  How do you expect to make freedom without nearly drowning some people?

• The Daily Dish: "Verschärfte Vernehmung"

And You Though Cruising Satellite Images Was Fun.

People have been posting links to items of note on Google earth for as long as the service has been around.  Well now with street view, there's a lot more landscape, and at closer detail, to peruse.  Wired has a list of the interesting stuff people have happened upon already.  Pretty amusing, but will people get upset about their privacy, and actually try to block the service?  Taking pictures from public thoroughfares should be legal but you never know.

•  Threat Level- Urban Sitings- Wired Blogs

Street View Blowback.

Anyone who knows what a robots.txt file is will think this is hilarious.  And if you don't, well screw you.

• GIS Blog: Stopping the Google van from crawling your house

Gearing Up.

Quick, what's the only downside to using web apps for all your computing needs?  No, its not that Google could decide to pull the plug on a whim and leave us all out in the cold with no email, calendar, pictures, news, documents, spreadsheets, and on and on.  Its Google, they wouldn't do that to us.  No, the correct answer is offline downtime.  When you're not in contact with Google you can't edit or view content. 

No more!  Google Gears is a browser plug-in that promises to make Google apps available offline.  Right now its just Reader, downloading 2000 feeds for later; but soon the entire family will be able to pull the plug.  Compose emails and send them when you go online, view your calendar offline without having to sync with outlook.  The ramifications are... well honestly not good for Microsoft.  Now web apps are just as reliable as desktop ones, except that they globally sync documents automatically.  Yippie.

• Google Gears takes online applications, offline - Download Squad

Maps To Rock Your World.

Remember a while ago when Microsoft thought they were hott shit with their virtual earth or whatever those still images of storefronts was called?  Well check out Google's new street view on Google maps.  Right off the bat its faster than Microsoft's was plus you can drag the camera angle left and right.  It looks damn good too, with some kind of not-quite 3d effect.  Spend a little time dragging the little yellow man around San Francisco and I'm sure you'll be asking "How long till my city is in here?"

• Google Maps Street View and Mapplets

Don't Put Marbles In Your Nose.

Crap. I had big plans for tonight. Pull up a tub of mac-n-cheese pop in a terrible Jackie Chan movie and huff a can of compressed air from Memorex. But, no, they decided that maybe kids shouldn't be shooting air in their brains and have taken it upon themselves to solve the problem. So the new cans will have a decidedly nasty, bitter smell to them, despite receiving the same innocuous packaging.

I can see this splitting the little not-quite-druggies in three directions:
1) Finding real recreational drugs to do
2) Canned air roulette, where you pick from a selection of identical cans and hope it doesn't smell like vomit.
and 3) Reverting to the more primitive, lactose rife, abuse of whippits.

• Memorex adds scent to prevent kids from huffing its Air Dusters - Engadget

Is You A Moron?

Its difficult to decide whether you'd prefer a stupid leader or a deceptive leader.  On the one hand, you don't want someone in charge that's going to purposefully lead you in directions that only serve his own best interests.  Of course on the other hand you don't want someone who's too stupid to know that he's not serving anyone's best interest at all.

Lets imagine for a second that President Brush is in charge of dividing up a cake at a party.  Everyone watches as he cuts 6 pieces for 12 people, gives one to Chaney and then puts 2 on the floor for Barney.  Would you rather he did this because he was trying to screw people out of cake and is obviously an asshole, or because he is an actual, legal, moron?

I'm not saying that's exactly what's going on in Iraq, its obviously more complicated.  But those are just about the only two reasons I can think of to explain his stubbornness.  This Slate article does a nice job summarizing the "What the fuck are you talking about" crowd's reactions when Bush says things on TV.  Things like:

 "Al-Qaida is going to fight us wherever we are"
"If we were to fail, they'd come and get us."
"Al-Qaida will be emboldened"
"The Middle East looked nice and cozy for a while."

What?  That last one is new to me.  Hasn't the middle east been a hotbed of violence since like the beginning of religion?

• Bush bungles a press conference. - By Fred Kaplan - Slate Magazine

Throw Your Laser Pointer In The Trash Right Now.

That laser pointer you got cause it was just harmless fun, or cool consumer technology, or a useful pointing device just got a lot more dangerous.  No, not as an actual threat to safety or anyone's wellbeing, its just not worth the risk of one day having to defend yourself in court.  The House wants laser shiners to spend 5 years in jail if they hit a plane with the beam.  Just another example of a social phenomenon, granted a mildly unacceptable one, being trumped up in the name of anti-terrorism.  We refuse to live in fear of random and senseless acts of violence; so we'll just enact laws to make every conceivable threat a terrorist act.  That way no one will act out because everyone is afraid of getting thrown into Guantanamo by our own government.  That's the ticket.

• The Associated Press: House Bans Laser Pointing

Fresh Child Juice.

Look, if you can find a hole on the boy that you want to put your lips on, be my guest.

Got this one from Dee's RSS feed (yeah, I talked him into it)
Its a Swedish invention to aid in removing whatever liquid -or near liquid- may be in or coming out of your child at a rate no sufficient to satisfy a parent.  That's right folks, line up to get your snot straws.  Just the thought of sucking some phlegm into my soft palate is enough to make me want to ralph.

• Further Proof That Swedes Are IN-SANE! : Dadsmacker on Offsprung.com

I Don't Call 411

Not cause it costs money, but because I don't like to talk to people on the phone.  Ok, yeah, I also don't call cause it costs money.  But now there's Google Voice Local Search, which eliminates both those problems.

You know how Google started connecting you to businesses via Google Maps a while ago with Click To Call?  And you also probably know about Google SMS, where you get specific search results by sending SMSes to GOOGLE.  Well mash those two up and throw in a dash of voice recognition and you've got GVLS.  Its not a very catchy name, but very descriptive.

Check it out, pretty cool if not completely functional.
1-800-466-4411 (1-800-GOOG-411)

• Google Voice Local Search

Pad Your Brain With Stats.

I knew a bit about the Veyron before I read this article on Jalopnik.  I watched the Top Gear episode where Jeremy Clarkson raced an airplane in one, and absorbed lots of tidbits, which were supplemented by James May's top speed run in the monster.  But there are a few more nuggets that I feel everyone should know:

• The handbrake is equipped with ABS
• There are 10 radiators, the tenth to cool the hydraulic oil used to raise the spoiler.
• The car rides at 5" in normal mode, at 130 mph it switches to handling mode which raises the spoiler and lowers the suspension 2 inches.
• There's also a top-speed mode, activated by a key in the door, which drops the car to 2.5" and is deactivated if you tap the brake or turn the wheel.
• The car runs for 12 minutes at top speed (253mph) before running out of gas.  That's a 50.6 mile range.
• The car will stop from full gait in under 10 seconds.
• 0-60 in 2.64 s
• 0-100 in 6 s
• 0-150 in 11 s
• 0-200 in 22 s
  

• Jalopnik Fantasy Garage: Bugatti Veyron 16.4 - Jalopnik

Reminds Me Of My Technic Sets...

You know... those big-boy LEGOs with gears and engines and tiny parts that were really hard to assemble.  But for all their simulated workings, they still couldn't figure out how to put a roof on the sports car.

The Army is going hybrid for stealth with this aggressively designed Humvee replacement.  Its to be used in situations where troops need to travel at 80 mph without putting off a lot of heat.  I'm all for using less fuel over there, but damn, that thing is ugly.  But aesthetics aren't the metric, what we really need to know is: how well does it hold up in sand?

• The Aggressor: A Hybrid for Iraq - Jalopnik

Holy Shit.

Its finally happened.  I started getting a bad feeling when corporate sponsors started not just advertising at sporting events, but buying the naming rights, and the events themselves.  Soon companies were looking for opportunities to buy anything they could get their hands on and rename.

Well now even the government is apparently for sale; and not just the traditional back-room-lobbyist-for-sale we're used to.  20th century Fox has commissioned a special edition US quarter that is legal tender.  It has the Silver Surfer on the back and lists the Fantastic Four movie website.  You read that right, advertising on our money.  How perverse is that?

I like the Silver Surfer and everything, but this gives me the jibblies.  How long before I see the Exxon-Mobile Presidential motorcade or the Mountain Dew Supreme Court?

• Silver Surfer Quarters - Marvel.com news

But My Creepy and Unsafe Pet Monkey Was Different.

Sorry lady, all my monkey sympathy got used up when Ross had to give Marcelle away to a zoo.  (I still think that's code for 'taken out back and shot cause he had rabies')  Go ahead and give the article a read.  I think this is the best thing to happen to the lady; devoting that much of your life to a pet wearing OshKosh B'Gosh isn't healthy, I don't care where you live.  As, for little Armani, well he'd probably be better off in a jungle or something.  But don't worry; all monkeys go to heaven, right?

• Over a Barrel About a Pet Monkey - washingtonpost.com

"I had a feeling a law was being broken, but I didn't know exactly what,"

Oh, yeah.  That's how I like my law enforcement; hunch based.  Another guy got busted for using a free Internet connection at a cafe from his car.  Neither the "criminal" , the store owner, nor the police officer knew surfing the Internet from your car was illegal, but luckily this guy got caught and fined.  I mean, what would this country come to if people were just allowed to take advantage of completely free services.  Never mind that there's nothing denoting which networks are for public use, and which are not.  You know, like security or a detailed SSID.  Laws like these reek of legislation without information.  Someone suggested we do something about people breaking into networks, but didn't really think about cases where open networks are confused for public access points.  Its like throwing people in jail for walking into an occupied bathroom stall, even if the occupant made no effort to keep you out.  Like locking the door a subtle throat clear as you approach.

Moral of the story: if you're scamming off my unsecured WiFi network, watch the fuck out; I'm callin the cops when I catch you.

•  Michigan man arrested for using cafe's free WiFi from his car

The Plague Is Back.

"Honestly, the Plague!"

Now, I'm not saying that 13 squirrel deaths is on par with the black death, I just always assumed that the plague was something we didn't really have to worry about.  You know, ever since we stopped eating rats and flinging shit in the street.

BBC NEWS | Americas | Plague kills monkey at Denver Zoo

David Copperfield Was A Naval Researcher?

How do you try to cloak a ship and accidentally end up tele-porting it to Virginia - and back?  Honestly, sometimes conspiracy theorists just sounds ridiculous.

•  Philadelphia Experiment - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Trimming The Fat.

Well, BMW Oracle is our of the Louis Vuitton running.  Luna Rossa, the Italians rocked them up and down the course and manhandled Dickson in the start box.  He finally stepped down for the last race (after a double foul on the previous start that basically lost the race), but it wasn't enough.  Even after not getting pounded at the start, tactics and boat speed just didn't come together for the Americans.  So now the Italians have a spot in the LVC finals.  The Spanish, however, took home another win against  the seemingly impervious Emirates team.  They beat them at the start, and kept them off the whole race, bringing the tally up to 4-2, still not good shape, but not out like BMW.  So the cup isn't coming back to America who looked so strong in the fleet racing.  I guess that just highlights the difference in match racing an opponent, which is what this is all leading up to in the end.

• 32nd America's Cup Official Website

Newest Celebrity Coupling: De Paciro.

I know the difference between De Niro and Pacino.  Ronin, Scent of a woman.  Wag the Dog, The Recruit.  See?  Its easy.  But I will admit that when I saw Heat, I didn't notice they were two separate characters until very late in the movie.  I just though he was a crooked cop and a bit of an asshole.  What?  Its an honest, and I contend, not unheard of mistake  Whatever.  De Niro and Pacino will star in another movie together, apparently sharing more than two scenes this time.  I dunno what's gonna happen, but I bet there will be some yelling involved.

• BBC NEWS | Entertainment | De Niro and Pacino pair up again

Ugh.

The vending machine is out of coke.  I don't normally drink soda at work, but I'm working my way through a bag of peanuts I had in my trunk and I've really got a jones for something sweet.  So I figure they're always coming out with new innovations in the diet soda realm and I haven't had one in ages.  Desperation makes people do stupid things.  So I plunked in my 60 cents and hoped for the best.

Diet Coke is still putrid.  The peanuts are long gone, the open can has been sitting on my desk for about 3 hours now, and I'm about half way done with it.  I really don't know why people subject themselves to this kind of abuse.  (the vending machine stocks twice as much diet as regular)  I would much rather just drink water than force this swill down.  Ugh.  Well, mark it down, May 17th 2007 I tried Diet Coke.  Don't need to do that again for a while.  Maybe I'll schedule a tentative re-taste for late 2010.

Also: Did honey roasted peanuts used to have a lot more sugar all over them or is it just me?

Can It Cant?

The America's cup is approaching as the Challengers fight it out.  Which might make you think that everyone's pretty much got their designs set in carbon-fibre, if not in stone.  (That cliche is a bit too heavy for this sport.  Stone boat: slow.)

Well the AC Measurement Committee released a decision earlier in May in response to several clarification requests posed by an unknown team.  They're mostly about ACC rule 17 which restricts movement and distortion of submerged appendages.

Mostly what this means is that a team thinks they've got a way to get a little more righting moment through a tack by canting the keel to leeward (diagrams) prior to the tack gaining power and acceleration from the righting moment through and post tack and then returning the keel back to centerline.

I feel like they're trying to figure out how to roll-tack a 70 foot boat with a 20 ton bulb ballast.

• Sail-World.com : Are we going to see a Canting Keel in this AC?

The Lesser Of Two Money Grubbing Evils.

All this talk of 4 dollar gas makes me pissed off cause I'm pretty sure that its mostly going into some fat-cat's inner suit-vest pocket.  And yeah, there are arguments about how the price isn't really artificially inflated because of refinery closings and various other processing shortfalls.  But honestly, if they spent a little more money on the supply chain and less Benjamins lining the floor of their parakeet cages, maybe there wouldn't be a pinch at the pump.  Problem is that it actually helps their bottom line to neglect vital workings to a certain degree; so they can point the blame at some "unavoidable" circumstance, charge us more while doing less, and know for a fact that we'll keep consuming at the same rate.

But that's not what I want to talk about.  This article discusses Americans who have backed themselves into a lifestyle where driving isn't optional.  A 55 minute commute is shameful, and an SUV makes it painful, but even 4 bucks a gallon isn't enough to uproot an entrenched yuppy.  The commentary points out that American drivers just pay what they have to, and cut costs in other areas of the budget.  Walmart, for instance, is one place where we could consume less if we needed to.  And their earnings report shows that's exactly what is happening.

I do like that news, but the connection made me wonder, if Walmart started selling gas as a loss leader, would I hop on board?  I haven't even been to a Walmart in years and years, mostly because they're killing America with homogeneity and cheap crap.  But I also hate gas companies and anything that makes them sweat a little seems like a good thing.  So obviously I'm torn.  At what point would I be unable to resist the call of Wal-gas?  20 cents cheaper?  30 cents?  Luckily I don't think any plans are in the works for this, so its just an exercise in hate prioritization and Walmart can stay on the "dead to me" list.

• Zen and the art of dealing with high gas prices - Oil & Energy - MSNBC.com

There's A Special Place For People Like That.

Usually when someone dies all you hear are accolades about what a difference he made, or how good a man he was.  Even if, during his life, many people had many different opinions, somehow death brings out a reverence that joins us all together in mourning.  Unless he was a real douche bag who made offensive, ignorant and small minded statements about as often as he exhaled.  Leave it to the Slate to line up an epitaph sampling crap that spilled from Jerry Falwell's trap.

• Jerry Falwell's hit parade. - By Timothy Noah - Slate Magazine

Idea.

Ok, here it is the next brainstorm out of DPI.  A gas gauge for your dog.  No, not really a gas gauge, but an implant that would give you a reliable, and more importantly, wireless reading of how badly your dog has to pee.  That way when you come home and she starts spazzing out, you'll know if its genuine affection or urine induced hysteria.

I know this sounds lot like my "baby's thoughts" Machine Learning brainwave analyzer.  But this would be an implant measuring relative pressure, rather than a non-invasive analysis of you tater's nuro-electrical feedback.

And by the way, under my current understanding of copyright law, this documents these ideas as my intellectual property.  So back off.  I guess that's just one more reason for the decline in posted mail and the subsequent rise in rates.

NASA Gets In On Prize-Tracting.

Stanley, did you get a 21 ton weight dropped on you by that damn coyote while you were trekking across the desert?  No, I guess not.  That's just a Passat instead of a Toureg because the Stanford team doesn't need much ground clearance for this Challenge.  Its more Urban in nature.  Something about naming your entrants to give them a little anthropomorphic sympathy and then calling the next machine by the same name strikes me as a little off.  I mean, they couldn't have just build another robot, called him johnny 5 and treated him like a family member.

• DARPA Urban Challenge field narrowed to 53 teams - Autoblog

But that's not all the news.  NASA seems to like the DARPA / xPrize system of outsourcing development to whoever wants the prize money; which I am henceforth dubbing "Prize-tracting."  They've got a few bounties out there for gadgets that will send us back to the moon under budget and looking our best.

Take for example the glove design that took home 200 Gees.

• MSNBC: Glove Wins $200,000 NASA Prize

Or the competition for a lunar soil digger that no one won on Monday.  (keep in mind that no one won the grand challenge the first year either)

• New Scientist: No One Scoops Prize

And then there's the lunar lander contest that is quickly approaching and has teams battling guidance chips and gravity for 180 seconds.

• New Scientist: Mock Lunar Lander Hovers

It is an interesting business model, I have to say.  Enticing all the garage geniuses out with semi-substantial rewards.  But I'm not really sure the Prize-tract money NASA has put up so far will draw in anything more than folks with interesting ideas and maybe a small company or two.  DARPA had the insight to have educational organizations do their dirty work for them, you know, places that like money but are in it for the prestige as well.  I can only hope that NASA has a few more ducketts to throw in the ring, or our next mission to the moon, while absolutely a feat of engineering and completely safe, will be in a lawn chair with a garden hose taped to the back.

How Do You Tell When An Italian Is On Strike?

He doesn't got to work some days!  Yeah I know that joke needs a little work.  But its true.  Workers at Ferrari have been on strike since March, protesting the number of super cars the company is making them churn out with their sunsoaked, olive oiled  hands.  Calm down, that doesn't mean that Ferrari's haven't been getting made.  It just means that some of the workers don't go to work on Saturdays as a protest.  Shit, I've been on Italian strike my whole life and I didn't even know it.

• Ferrari workers on strike, Italian style - Autoblog

How About Actually Using Less Gas?

Email chain letters and The Myspace groups organized yesterday as a "buy no gas day" in hopes of sending a message to oil companies.  I guess the goal is to back up supply lines one day and show that we can eff up some plans if we want to.  But everyone would just buy that gas the next day, so its not really a big deal.  Not to mention that Americans can't really boycott gas for a day.  Buzzfeed links to Break the Chain, a snopes for chain emails, that lays out the failed "no gas days" that have been attempted since 1999.  Attempted and failed.  I'm not buying gas today, but that's just cause I filled up on Sunday.

In more important news, I didn't receive a single email about this.  Awesome.

• Gas Out - BuzzFeed

Boobie Booze.

I've never read a pregnancy book. I hear, though, that there are a few things you shouldn't do while pregnant. You know like, drinking, smoking and shopping cart escalator surfing. I'm just going to take for granted that people are going to abstain from that stuff; but you've still gotta watch what you do even after the kid pops. Cause aside from watching what you do, the kid is basically eating what you eat; if you go the sweater cow route. So you're still not really allowed to drink.

Although that's apparently harder for some moms than others, as evidenced by this product. Milkscreen is a litmus test for alcohol in breast milk. So you can throw back a couple shots and little Cleatus won't feel the effects in his breakfast nip. Alright, fine. But I can't help wondering if breastfeeding is actually better than just formula for a kiddo with a sauce monster mommy.

• A simple 2-minute test for the detection of alcohol in breast milk.

Selling Cars Takes Bawls.

Chevy is very proud of their new Malibu design. So much so that the best way they can think to sell it is to put a Camry right next to it in the show room. Ah the old coke-pepsi taste test routine. Wait, was that pepsi-coke taste test? Who ran those things and what were they sposed to prove? Crap.

But I digress, Chevy is renting a crap-load of Camrys to put in their show-rooms so customers can kick tires and compare the two without having to leave the dealer. They never want you to leave the dealer. Its hard to tell if the gambit will work out, cause people might not agree that the Malibu is better, and they still have to convince shoppers to stop at a Chevy dealer to begin with. But at least they're rolling the dice.

Bottom line this means for car buyers: there are going to be a bunch of used Camrys hitting the market in 18 months that have almost no miles on them. But the seats will be blown out and the surfaces will have disgusting people grease all over them.

• Chevy dealers told to get a Camry to sell their Malibus - Autoblog

Gimme Your Wallet And Your Thong.

Yes, crime is a scourge and it would be terrifying to be mugged by a South American gang while waiting for a bus. But I'm willing to bet that you crack a smile when I say that authorities in Colombia are hunting for the "Knicker Robbers." They normally don't hurt their victims, but demand valuables and yes - underwear - at early morning bus stops. This sounds like a group of young men who have their priorities in line.

I can just imagine the group sitting around whatever shit-hole hideout they could find brainstorming 'hooks' they could use to help identify their gang. One member pipes up "We could steal their underwear" just as a joke cause they're running out of steam. They all chuckle for a little and it dies down. Someone else quietly says "I like underwear" Another, gazing off into the distance, barely audible "yeah..." And so the Underwear Bandits are born.

• BBC NEWS | Americas | Colombia hunts underwear robbers

How Do We Get Out Of This One?

Verizon has come up with a brilliant excuse for leaking call records and other private information to the federal government's illegal wiretapping program.  Brace yourself.  Its was "Free Speech".  Wow, I know just takes your breath away, doesn't it?  Who would be so callous as to attack one of the most hallowed and unifying principles of our nation?

So the Electronic Communications Privacy Act is Unconstitutional and Verizon is a wonderful company that fights for the American way of life that 'the man' is always trying to stifle.  And if you believe that I've got a bridge to sell you.  Anyone?  No takers?

This is particularly ridiculous because their first defense of "just following orders" got shot down by a judge.  Sure, it wasn't a good excuse, but it makes the subsequent claim of "oh, it was completely our volition and we were just expressing ourselves" sound particularly weak.

I know, it looks like we're close to nailing some bass-holes to the wall, but the Brush administration is working on pushing through a chunk of legislation that would grant immunity to the poor, picked-upon telcos.  Seems kinda shady; Verizon did a favor and gets a little in return.

• Techdirt: Verizon Says It Has A First Amendment Right To Illegally Give Your Call Records To The Government

Don't Buy Anything.

Here's the set-up: Guy goes to China, buys a bunch of terrible fake watches as souvenirs for family.  Customs confiscates them and later contacts him with a $55,300 fine based on the street value of real Rolexes.

Sounds rough, right?  Especially when you realize that these are terrible, terrible watches that no one would possibly mistake for a Rolex, and the fine is being levied because they "infringe" on the Rolex Trademark.  Secondly, why is the US government assessing this fine at the border, rather than letting Rolex take up the cause if they deem it worthwhile?  And third, why the hell is a consumer being fined for trademark infringement?  Shouldn't it be the manufacturer of vendor that pays the price.  Trademarks are meant to protect consumers from being tricked into believing an imitation product is authentic, not to confer ownership of the mark.  This guy wasn't selling the watches, so there is no consumer to "protect" except maybe the victim of this ridiculousness.

• Techdirt: That Fake Rolex You Buy In China May Cost You More Than The Real Thing