All Your Ads Are Belong To Us.
And honestly, I think they could ride the overt placement wagon a little farther. Get some folks together to reshoot old sitcoms, but make everyone hold a Snapple while they do it. Just imagine Kramer chasing his car down the street carrying a Risk set and a Snapple. Jerry's stand-up audiences would all be Snappled-up. And George's wild arm waving would unleash a fountain of 'Mango Madness'. Or imagine that one Friends episode where someone has a baby... while holding a Snapple. Doctors, nurses, Phobie's brother... all carrying Snapples every moment they're on screen. (I gotta get off the Snapple, this could really be any bottled beverage. Except Pepsi. That would suck.) Kinda like beer-in-hand Ultimate, everything's happening normally, but put a bottle in everyone's hand and it immediately becomes more entertaining. (Otherwise the episodes would be pretty much the same, if a character is sposed to drink a coffee, he still drinks the coffee while holding his Snapple in the other hand.) I bet people would tune in to see something like that; the difficulty actors have trying to replicate previous performances obviously handicapped by corporate sponsorship. I mean they watch reality TV and that's... just awful.
2 Comments:
- At 6:27 PM, Ryan said...
-
And let's not forget Stephen Colbert's successful Doritos sponsorship.
- At 7:36 AM, theKirkness said...
-
i think there was a Sienfeld episode where they talk about Snapple, it seemed like every episode Elaine would pull one out of Jerry's fridge.
I want some snapple now.
maybe they should go back to making it super blatant and have the actors in a live commercial pushing whatever product.. "Welcome back to The Snapple Seinfeld show, brought to you by Snapple! Made from the best stuff on earth!"
Oh Billy!

Well those days are spent cause Helio just rolled out push email to all its devices. I'm not really sure how that works (isn't it gmail that pushes to Helio?) but I'm not gonna start rocking the boat. My gmails and jmails show up on the alerts menu like SMSes, missed calls and voicemails. Of course anyone who reads this will be all over those "oh, I haven't checked my email" excuses like rasberry jam on a hot, buttered english muffin. Crannies, nooks, whatever. So bring on the information glut in full 3G fashion. I hope I don't drown.Oh, and check out this video about SMSing. Its got an amusing main character who you might recognize from the pictures above.
Heliocity: texting your way to love
Super Fired.
If you're ever lucky enough to become a stunt driver, people would probably assume you've got some special training. Much to the dismay of Bond producers, this man's training was apparently lacking in one key area. No, not driving backwards down stairs made of ice. Not driving with outrunners down a ski slope and through a ski chalet. Not even driving a moon-rover through brick walls. He apparently slept through the chapter on delivering a car safely to the set, and not losing control, crashing through a guardrail and sinking a one of a kind Aston Martin in 150 feet of Italian lake. Luckily he did show up the day they went over underwater escapes.This dude was almost surely superfired. Which is a new term I've just created for when people are so negligently incompetent with hilarious results that they can't just be normal fired. Just imagine the yelling, shouting and literal ass-whooping that went down when he slounched, bruised and waterlogged, into the production trailer. 'We're glad you're not dead and all, but you're superfired.'
Let The Kickbacks Fly.
Encyclopedia britannica, the pay-for-subscription online encyclopedia (I think they used to make something called "books" too), has started a program wherein they're giving away free year-long memberships to publishers in an effort to promote what an excellent resource it is. That's right, I'm a publisher, big whoop, wanna fight about it? So I imagine from time to time I'll put in a widget and a link to this new dealy. They've got it worked out so that losers like you without annual subscriptions can click through to the whole article, but you can't browse like the champs. Maybe it'll be enough to whet your whistle; at least that's what Britannica's hoping. Honestly, its a good strategy and I hope it works out for them. I'm certainly willing to do my part.
They do actually go check out whatever source you claim to publish, so don't go thinking that sad little blog you started 2 years ago and ended up pasting 4 Calvin and Hobbes cartoons into before quitting will qualify. I'm not even gonna link to the program, so if you wanna get down, you've got your work cut out for you.
Full disclosure: I've been given a year-long membership to Encyclopedia Britanica Online, worth about $70. Chump.
Labels: reference
What The Hell?
Very odd. Who dreams about Politicians?
Bump Doubts Debunked.
Oh man, we're gonna need a broom to get Stephen down from on top of the fridge like a cat on amphetamines because this news is gonna send him spinning and grinning. This article summarizes a study run on the effects of the "Colbert Bump" on political candidates who appeared on The Report contrasted with those who did not. Of course he might take issue at the results showing appearances by Republicans to have slight negative repercussions. But Fowler has a theory: Republicans must be very confident to appear (nowhere to go but down) while Democrats generally have nothing to lose (already getting pounded) when they appear. Makes pretty good sense I suppose, but no one's like -verified- any of these conjectures. Nevertheless, it doesn't cut the main focus that the political "bump" does in fact exist; so Stephen's ego isn't the only thing getting a rise from the show.
Seriously.
Take Me Out OF The Ballgame.
You Let This Happen.
Next: How the hell did I become accustomed to LL Cool J? I mean, I know he's been around for a while and he's very successful and likable. That does not, however, explain how normal that name sounds in contrast to how completely unreasonable it really is. Ladies Love Cool James? What was everyone so busy with that we let such a re-goddamn-diculous pseudonym past? No offense, Mr Ladies Love, its just that I read it with the right mindset to be completely hilarious.
1 Comments:
- At 7:50 AM, theKirkness said...
-
people said the same thing about The Beatles. I've been in bands and got a little bit of success with one, and our name was Fingertight. we regretted that name since the first time we had people we didnt know come to our shows. 2 years later we had a record deal, with that ridiculous name.
The artist's success makes the name, not the other way around.
but yes, Ladies Love Cool James? aye.
I Don't Even Really Work Here.
'Well, I'm just trying to get ahead.'
'I'm sorry, there's just no way we can keep you on.'
A British tourist apparently talked his way onto the set of Iron Man and vanished into a crowd of waiting extras. Carl Kelly was later called in with others to film a scene with Gwyneth Paltrow and managed to muck up at least 38 takes. Never-the-less he hung in there like a trooper and completed shooting even though he missed his plane because of it. In his words "I
couldn’t do a runner as they would have to start from the beginning." Now that's what I call responsible hooliganing. Is there anywhere a British accent won't get you?
When I Was A Whipper-Snapper.
Everyone at the camp was issued colored index cards which dictated their role-type. There was a string to wear the card around your neck to conspicuously display it. Your card also had a type of animal printed on it, but these were purely academic. You either got green cards which designated you as a bottom level (deer, opossum, mouse, woodchuck), blue indicating mid-level (fox, hawk, dingo, etc), or red as a top predator (bear, lion, shark?). The interesting bit is that greens got 7 cards, blue 5, and red only 3 cards. We were instructed to find food and water (also cards) and basically survive the time limit. (maybe the game was called survival)
Also introduced into the game were 4 counselors (gigantic 17 year olds who could run like wolves and were tall as redwood) with black cards. They were famine, disease, drought and the hunter and would kill anything they caught, no matter the color. (Well, famine and drought would take your food and water cards, but if you didn't have any you were dead) So it went, if someone of a higher order touched you, a card was surrendered until you had no more. Once you were dead-dead you went up to the dining hall for lemonade or something.
And we were released, 200 of us, into the lower camp with an artificial class system to wage the war of nature. This is where the really interesting stuff went down. People began to form groups; greens would naturally flock together. Blues moderately so, and reds would prowl like demons. Until of course disease came sweeping through; I swear you've never seen so many 8-14 year olds scrambling through the underbrush so quickly. Like buckshot through a dried bouquet.
Those of us that cared, survived. And we were good. As the rounds went by more creativity developed. Reds began walking around in larger groups to try and fool the quicker blues and flightiest of greens. Waiting predators would poach at edges of clearings where the water cards lay. The greens would warily creep and the red's tails would flick in anticipation. But the greens stopped; for seemingly no reason. A branch snapped as the hunter came crashing towards those reds, they flee and he pursues, the greens make a gambit for the water. We spent the entire day like that. Clamoring for more every time the whistle blew. Elbows were scraped, pants ripped, ankles rolled and heads bruised. This did not stop the game. It was life and we were animals.
I liked it intensely.
1 Comments:
- At 9:10 PM, theKirkness said...
-
meanwhile, the cool kids that didnt get pawned off on camp counselors were home playing Super Mario Bros and drinking Jolt Cola.
Let Me Get My Pundit Piñata Bat.
Well, shit, maybe I'm part of the elitist contingent, cause I think folks calling him out for being "elitist" are effing morons. Of course he's elitist; they're all elitist. Sure, maybe they appeal to the working class or talk about their simple roots; but they're competing for the most powerful executive position in the world. Maybe they should think they're better than someone else. Maybe they should be better than someone else. John Stuart agrees with me; lets go ahead and pick an elitist . We tried going the other way before. It didn't work out so great.
4 Comments:
- At 9:06 AM, Robert said...
-
Jon "Stuart"? I mean, yeah, John Stuart, that guy from that comedy show that's on like each day, that the "media" thinks has so much sway over me, he's alright I guess, but I prefer to think for myself and am way too cool for hero worship, or to have a visceral reaction to someone misspelling one of my "heroes'" names.
- At 9:12 AM, jeadly said...
-
No, John Stuart Mill, the 19th century philosopher and political economist.
- At 9:22 AM, Robert said...
-
...still misspelled...
- At 9:26 AM, jeadly said...
-
Don't you have some kind of life altering test to study for instead of hassling me about my typing?
Once Bitten...
Now, I've never heard of Bear Spray, but I imagine it is unpleasant. That being said, I find something unspeakably funny about a dude attacking people two nights in a row with the stuff. I mean, after the first time, you gotta think the chances of it ever happening again are pretty low. But no, in he walks the next damn night with (what I imagine is) a comically large can of pepper spray. Come ON!
Bust Them Down To The Minors.
You Can't, Like, OWN Cricket, Man.
How To Drive Away Business.
Nope, I Don't Like It.
I'm not trying to deny that I like things that are spelled with the letters in my name, but when I run across someone with my exact first and last name, I don't experience whatever "bond" these other folks are going through. Its kind of a chill in my spine and vomiting butterflies in my stomach. I don't want to meet them, I don't want to email them, I don't want them to even be out there. You motherfuckers stole my name and I'll never forgive you for it. Or perhaps its a kind of uncanny valley, I don't mind an approximation, but get too close and I'm repulsed.
Additionally, I don't want any psychologists writing in about what that might mean and interpreting my night terrors; you guys are on notice for calling what you do science in the first place.
1 Comments:
- At 8:52 PM, theKirkness said...
-
the other me is all over news sites for embezzlement and corporate fraud.
way to go googleganger me!
How Do You Launch a 41 ft Catameran?

Oh, that's how they really launched Alinghi's training cat on Lake Geneva? Well, good, I'm glad that's normal for you spoiled motherfrakers.
I'ma Be A CEO, Suckas.
Dear Sir/madam,
I am looking for an expert abroad that will help in purchasing AIRCRAFTS and also run the airline company for me.
I am contacting you because I do not have any idea in running an airline company and this is my first airline company. If you are an expert in this field or know any expert that is interested I will be very grateful to hear from you sooner.
Regards,
Alhaji Kabo Dan Hafiz
I mean, no, I don't have any experience in purchasing AIRCRAFTS or in running airlines. But how hard can it be? I've already passed whatever rigorous screening process Al has in his junior executive no-need-to-apply camp, so I obviously have what it takes. I mean the fact that he chose me out of the millions, nay, billions of other random email addresses speaks volumes about me. I'm gonna run out and buy a 747 before I get back to him, just so he can see how much initiative and spunk I have.
Doing My Part.
I Can Do Anything Better Than You.
"Well, at least now we can get that gun away from him!"
ABSOLUT World Domination.
Wow, Absolut has strayed from their venerable "stuff shaped like a bottle" ad campaign into strange waters. This ad in Mexico "hearkens to a time which the population of Mexico may feel was more ideal" to quote the apologetic press release to United Statesians after they caught a glimpse of the vaguely subversive poster. I'm not really sure if this would make me want to drink vodka if I were Mexican, but it doesn't as an American. Not that I'm angry about the suggestion that we took a crapload of land from our neighbors, I just think its ineffective. Its more like a "don't you wish we didn't lose that war?" ad campaign. Which I think would elicit a reaction of "Well, yeah, thanks for rubbing lemon on that gash. Ass."Glorified T-Shirt Store.
What the hell is wrong with this place? I know I have a problem with most places that sell clothing for dogs, but this is just too ridiculous. American Apparel plays hipster music, charges $25 for cheap t-shirts and somehow people go there. I wouldn't have a problem with their prices, except the stuff doesn't seem very well made to me. Seriously, I saw some stuff there that you could have made from left-over picnic napkins. And besides everything being made from t-shirts, some of the stuff was unfathomably hideous. Check out this purple polka-dot hoodie I found in what I think was the men's section.I know there's something to purchasing sustainable goods, but you know what's more sustainable than buying new expensive cheap shtuff? Using stuff that's already been made, even if it wasn't originally manufactured "sustainably". Also we went to cake love; I didn't get anything there either.
Labels: american apparel, cheap expensive, crap, environmental, ripoff
Broadening Horizons.
The New Diggs.
While I'm not really in a position to say whether it was worth the money or not, the nationals new home is very nice indeed. And with the concession stands every two feet, they might make a run at pulling some of that cash back. Of course none of it will go to the tax payers who were gouged... But that's not the point. There's something about a new stadium, the virgin amenities, that just comfort and welcome a patron. Much like that new car smell; except its new stadium smell. Of course that didn't keep my fellow patrons from throwing their wrappers, peanut shells and beer cups all over the ground. Fucking animals. That why we can't have nice things...
Rocking the DC Public Works GIS.
View Larger Map
Labels: GIS
Ever Pitchpoled A 60 Foot Trimaran?
Me neither but the Alinghi crew practicing on Foncia have. Under 20 knots a bear-off dug into the waves and sent the larger-than-most multihull-racer end over end. No one was seriously hurt, although a pair were airlifted to the hospital. Whew, its exciting seeing an 18ft skiff pitchpole, but I imagine something on this scale is downright frightening.Slate Article Employs Difficult Sailing Metephor.
Despite the picture accompanying this article being of Hilary struggling to survive a sinking Titanic, the sub-heading of this piece is obviously a sailing metaphor. I say "obviously" with 18 years of sailing experience under my belt, but I would imagine to most of the population it is less clear. So a cursory explanation of being "in irons" follows.Luffing the sails is part of being in irons, but you also need to remain head to wind, not generating lift for a while. This is because as long as a boat is moving through the water it retains at least some steerage. And if you can steer you should be able to ease the main and turn away from the wind, provided it is not blowing too strongly. But once the steerage is gone irons will settle upon you like a hippo on a newborn. From there your options are to try and backwind the jib or just wait until you're being blown to the leeward shore quickly enough to generate some steerage from your backwards momentum. Neither of which, I think, will work for Senator Clinton in this case.






1 Comments:
rear view mirrors, for safety.
Post a Comment