My Phone Still Works...

HELIO + Virgin Mobile USA= J

Two great companies team up to bring you more.

HELIO and Virgin Mobile USA are teaming up to combine our strengths and deliver a better mobile experience. On June 27^th Virgin Mobile USA announced that it had signed an agreement to acquire HELIO.

HELIO would gain access to Virgin Mobile USA’s extensive distribution network and broad customer base, while Virgin Mobile USA would gain access to HELIO’s exclusive, high-end devices and premium services. Both companies look forward to coming together to bring exciting prepaid and postpaid opportunities to their customers.

Q: What does this mean for current HELIO members? Can I still use my HELIO device, while keeping my HELIO service plan and number?

A: Current service plans will continue without interruption. HELIO members are at the center of this transaction and we’ll continue to bring them the innovative mobile services they’ve come to expect.

Q: Can new members still sign up for HELIO service?

A: Absolutely. HELIO will continue to offer exclusive, high-end devices and our innovative All-In plans.

Q: Will the HELIO brand be retained, or will everything migrate to Virgin Mobile USA?

A: Over time, we expect that all aspects of the customer experience will be integrated under the Virgin Mobile USA brand. Integration of the direct sales channel will begin immediately, and we expect that existing HELIO products and services will soon be offered through the Virgin Mobile USA website at www.virginmobileusa.com.

Q: So what’s next?

A: We’re excited by the possibilities our new, combined team offers. We have some big ideas, but as you can imagine, a little bit of housekeeping is in order before we share them. Stay tuned!

Q: Does this affect my current contract with HELIO in any way? When Virgin Mobile USA does acquire HELIO, can I end my current contract without paying an early termination fee (ETF)?

A: HELIO contracts remain in effect and unchanged by this transaction. HELIO members who wish to end their contract early will still be subject to an early termination fee (ETF).

-- Your friends at Helio

So basically they know they're getting traded around like an apple in the cafeteria, but for now nothings gonna change with Helio's service. That is until they figure out how to integrate themselves with Virgin Mobil's plans. I can only assume that they'll stop leasing bandwidth from Verizon in the future, since Virgin only leases from Sprint. And in that case I don't really see how they could still hold a contract over my head, providing a service that is not what I agreed to when I signed up. Don't get me wrong, I love my Helio and would have no problem with paying them for another year of service. But I didn't sign on to Virgin, so don't just assume you can sell me over to another company like an indentured servant without providing the same benefits it which I have grown accustomed.

Slackers.

There's a seahorse in my salad!

Euphemisms To Replace 'Crapper'.

This might be the best idea I've heard all week. Granted its only Thursday and most good ideas generally pop up on Friday afternoon at half past beer-o'clock. A group in California is petitioning to rename the local sewage treatment plant after our current commander-in-chief. The "Presidential Memorial Commission of San Francisco" hatched the plot over a beer or ten, and haven't broken stride yet. If all goes to plan the plant will be renamed coinciding with the swearing in of our next President. I really hope this goes through just so local residents have the opportunity to "send a 'letter' to George" or "flush a Bush Buster". Go ahead and start thinking of other expressions that will naturally replace "pinching a loaf" and "dropping the kids at the pool".

• San Francisco may name sewage treatment plant after Bush - International Herald Tribune

I Got Solutions For Everyone.

These two stories share a bit of a central theme, although their scenarios are vastly different.

The mortgage crisis in CA is leaving those poor millionaires mansionless, and while this may leave a tear in your eye for the once rich and famous, the real victim here is the properties who languish as their owners flounder. Enter the CA authorities who're using airplanes to survey the area for untended algae-green pools. These sites are mosquito breeding grounds, which raise fears about spreading West Nile Virus, so once identified local officals swing by and drop a bag of Gambusia affinis (mosquito fish) into the pool to eat up all those tasty larvae. The only trouble is that they're a bit of an invasive species and might cause some trouble if they managed to escape from their unsupervised concrete prisions.

• The Foreclosure Fish Takes Over California : TreeHugger

Second, kids are using Google Earth and Facebook to find and coordinate pool crashings at strangers' houses. Apparently pool owners aren't particularly happy when they come home to find beer cans puke and drunk teenagers floating in their pools.

• Teens use technology to party in strangers' pools | Register

Now the average person might read both of these stories and find them amusing. I on the other hand am unique; I find them amusing and realize that they are the answer to each other's riddle. The ying to yang, the sour cream to potato, the pools-no-one-wants-to-use to the people-no-one-wants-in-a-pool. That's right, the authorities need to jump on Facebook and send these hooligans over to a foreclosed property or two. After a few days of hearty partying, those mosquito breeders will be so covered in vomit, beer and urine that no self respecting insect would dare lay its eggs there. Bam! Two birds, meet my incontrovertible logic stone. I'm like a public service guru or something.

Something's Afoot.

For those of you following the Vancouver "Stray Foot" washings on your stray foot advent calendars, close up that last door. Yes the sixth severed foot to wash up on a Canadian beach was in fact a hoax. Someone thought it would be good to stick a skeletonized animal foot into a sneaker and leave it on the beach. Of course that shouldn't surprise anyone because people are heartless bastards.

• Stray left foot washes up on Vancouver beach | The Register
• BBC NEWS | Americas | Canada coroner condemns foot hoax
• Sixth British Columbia stray foot a hoax | The Register

Horse Hockey!

What the eff Congress? You guys were gonna take someone to the mat on these warrantless wiretap shenanigans. Weren't you? Or was it all just Oversight Theatre? (see how I changed up Security Theatre there?) Apparently all the fuss they were planning on putting against the admin's "everyone's a hero" exemption wasn't much at all. The part I really don't get is that the President told the telcos these actions were legal; which may or may not absolve them of wrongdoing. But shouldn't the charges still be levied against the guy who misled, lied, and instigated all this lawbreaking to begin with? I don't care why you did it or what national secrets you're trying to hide, we've got a system set up to decide the punishments for lawbreakers and it doesn't involve pressuring lawmakers into submission. Makes me want to mail the "get out of jail free" cards from my Monopoly set to some congressman.

• Techdirt: Our Congress Has Failed Us: Gives In On Telecom Immunity

To Upgrade Or Not To Upgrade?

Well, I'd been holding off on FireFox 3 at work because there are several add-ons I use that do not support it yet.  The most important of these was Mousegestures.  There's something very disorienting about dragging left and not browsing back to the last page.  But I decided that it was high time I move towards the future, lest I miss out on other wonderful features.  So I found another add on called FireGestures that looks to do pretty much the same thing.  The main difference being that the preprogrammed gestures are different and I'm faced with the choice of either learning the new ones or customizing to simulate my past environment.  I figure I'm changing other parts of my work flow anyway, so I might as well go for the whole shebang.  Here's a list of the new gestures I'm trying to remember... confuuusing.

back - L
forward - R
reload - UD
more reload - UDU

up level - DU
increment # - RURU
decrement # - RDRD

new Window - DRU
close Window - URD
minimize window - RUD
maximize - RDU

new tab - LR
close tab - DR
undo close tab - RL
previous tab - UL
next tab - UR

text size increase - LRU
text size decrease - LRD
text normal - LRUD

scroll to top - LU
scroll to bottom - LD

show only this frame - LDR
open frame i new tab - LDRU

open link in new tab (background) - D
open link in new tab (foreground) - U

save Image as - DLD
save image now - DRD

open all links in selection - RU

FireGestures options - LDRUL

What's Your Return Policy?

So I was crouched on a rooftop peering through my sniper scope into the mark's apartment across the street.  He was just sitting there watching tv, but I couldn't get a shot.  I also couldn't quite make out the phone number on his handset to use as a lure.  (good thing I sprang for the expensive rifle, huh?)  So after guessing at the 7th number a few times and getting nothing but wrong numbers I decided to shoot an RPG through his window.  BOOM!  Haha, take that you son-of-a... wait, what?  He's still alive?  I just lit his little apartment on fire like a Christmas tree before electric lights.  He makes a dash for his car on the street below and I smoke him with my MP5.  Gotta keep your cool, even when things go wrong.  Don't go dashing down the stairs for a car chase or toppling over the ledge just because a GODDAMN rocket launcher failed to get the job done.  That may be the first time I've used "rocket launcher" and "failed" in the same sentence.  Honestly, when you drop 10 grand in a shady back-alley gun shop, you expect a little extra oomph.

Stop Hassling Me.

I don't understand why American Express keeps sending me emails and information packets and 'invitations' to get another card from them. I mean, as far as I can see its the same damn thing, except that I get to pay a yearly fee of $150-$400 depending on the color I want to get. But besides the fact that I kinda like a clear card, they just paid me $400 for using this card for the past year. Kickass, right? So unless I'm missing some huge benefit of having a gold colored credit card, I think I'll pass on an $800 change. If only there was a form I could fill out that says "Yes I understand that I could take advantage of you other programs, but I'm all set. Thanks."

Loyalty.

I know it wasn't me. Although one tub of Country Crock does last me for like 8 months. Maybe that's what's throwing their numbers off.

• Which One Of You Shitheads Stopped Buying Our Margarine? | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

The Black Spot.

Look at these guys. They think just cause they're wearing yellow vests they can just dump 400,000 plastic balls into a reservoir? Oh sure, but I throw just one beer can into the seal tank and I'm escorted out of the zoo... As tempted as you may be to go swimming in this giant ball pit, I'd advise against it. The balls are a (humorously lacking) solution to a notorious carcinogen that's been detected in the water source. Lets hope the luck out and this fun-land stopgap actually helps out. All I can think about is what's gonna happen to all those balls at the end of their usefulness. The city has apparently ordered 6.5 million of them in total. They've got to go somewhere.

• Los Angeles Drops 400,000 Balls in Reservoir to Fight Suspected Carcinogen : TreeHugger

Simple.

Holy crap. Some dude from the 30's just blew my mind. How awesome would it be to have analog traffic signals counting down the remaining green or duration of a red? Now I'm gonna be pissed off for the rest of the day about how complitacetly moronic our "Technology" is. Damn you Lester Wire...

• Analog Australian Traffic Signal's Time Has Come : TreeHugger

Better And Cheaper.

Well, I think they've fixed all the things that made me not buy an iPhone last year. (with the exception of a real keyboard) The only trouble is that those would have been impressive features for a phone last year. Now they're just rolling out an updated version they'd be idiotic not include these things with. Although the lower price point is a very good job. But aren't we done with 3G networks yet? I mean it seems like I was hearing a lot more about 3G at this point in 2G's lifecycle than I've heard about 4G. If that makes any sense. I spose one of the more exciting thing about the iPhone announcements today is the developer community's status; like the legit guys, not just the jailbreak folks. Although we shouldn't be surprised that Apple wants to start supporting 3rd party apps. The foaming at the mouth fan-boy-dev demographic is what sets an Apple phone apart from any other 3G GPS enabled phone on the market. They're adding value to Apple's product. But alas, or should I say luckily, I've still got another year on my current contract. So I won't have to debate whether or not its time to plunk down for a better, faster stronger cheaper iPhone. I'll just wait it out and see if they make it better and cheaper again in a year's time.

Although I do have to commend Apple for slacking up on the device release schedule. For a while there they were releasing a better iPod every two months, alienating their most devoted consumers who'd just ponied up for what was the baddest thing to hit white plastic. Good job taking a whole year to drop iPhone 3G guys.

Land Of Ice And Romance.

The Antarctic research station just received a very important shipment before winter sets in. No, not fresh tube socks or a boatload of potatoes. They got 16,500 condoms with which to while away the long freezing nights.

Um, doesn't that seem like overkill? I mean I know there's nothing to do down there, but COME ON. There's only 125 people on-base. By some very rough calculations, that's 1.4 condoms per scientist per day for the entire winter. If we assume they're coupling (shudder if they're not) that's like 3 per day, every day, for three months straight. Now that's some healthy libido. Shit, maybe we should all move as far south as possible.

• 16,500 Condoms Delivered to Antarctica Research Base : Environmental News Blog | Environmental Graffiti

Say It With Me "Doppelkupplung".

And while we're talking about Porsches today, the krauts have unveiled the 2009 911. More horseys blah blah... and an optional double clutch called a Porsche-Doppelkupplung (PDK). Yeah, you're sure to get your money's worth of words you can't pronounce, but more importantly you won't have to pick those 385 stallions up off the pavement to shift all the way up to seventh gear. That improves the acceleration, shaving .2 seconds off the 0-60 time (4.3 seconds) while improving fuel efficiency by 13%. Crafty, no? I've never been impressed with the paddle shifters on tripronics or whatever else they wanted to call them, but I might be able to get used to it for some double clutch goodness.

• 2009 Porsche 911: 2009 Porsche 911 Revealed With Direct Injection, Dual-Clutch

Cross Service Integration.

Hmm... I might be running out of excuses not to put my pictures on Facebook.  I used to complain about having to email or upload them a few at a time.  But I just found this plug-in for Picasa that looks like it'll take care of the grunt work for me.  The integration with picasa was the main reason I started using picasa web to begin with (aside from the fact its a Google product) but now theres integration with Facebook and Flicrkr and a host of other online photo suites.  Looks like I'm gonna have to fall back on the old standby "I'm lazy" excuse.

But if I'm not, I'll check it out when I get home.

• PicasaFacebookUploader

He's Just A Little Guy.

Oh yeah, if you've ever dreamed of owning a Porsche but known deep down that's as close as you'd get to pulling the trigger, you time may be nigh. As a result of the recent emissions standard changes, a high performance, high volume outfit like Porsche has got to dredge up a few new offerings. Which some speculate means they'll be leaning on their well known, more efficient subsidiary for designs. Just imagine, in a few years you could buy a $35,000 VW Golf with Porsche headlights. Just like the Cayenne is really a Toureg gussied up for prom night, you might be able to overspend on a smaller, more fuel efficient not-really-a-Porsche car. Here's hoping anyway.

• Porsche: Working on a Golf-killer? - The German Car Blog

What Is That, Trailmix?

Well crap. How am I sposed to wage war against the thousands of rats in my basement if I can't buy 10 pound bags of rat poison? What's that you say? Oh, buy two 5 pound bags? That's hardly convenient. Damn you EPA for infringing on my rights to pesticide. And wouldn't you know it, they're using that same old "think of the children" excuse. Played out, guys. I've thought of the children so much that I literally can't image a kid chowing down on an entire 8 pound bag of rat poison. I mean, I know they've got natural fish flavoring, but are kids really into bland, mildly fishy, pellets they found in a sack by the tool shed?

• EPA Moves to Keep Rat Poison from Kids, Animals : TreeHugger

When A Pickle Loves An Onion...

See something wrong with this picture? If you said that pickle is about to give onion-man the business at the back of the bus, you're right. Apparently this is one of the tray liners Burger King is using in Amsterdam, and while you and I might think its hilarious (if a little unappitizing) I could see maybe not wanting to explain what's about to happen to a 5 year old who's just finished his happymeal.

• Burger King Tray liners feature vegetable porn? - Boing Boing

Drive Me.

Well, I broke down and bought GTA IV. Partly because I had my wisdom teeth ripped out of my noggin and wanted something to do while I drifted on opiates for a few days. But also partly because I couldn't stand not playing it any more. All the reviews said it was awesome and highly detailed and well make. And given Rockstar's past performances, why should we expect anything else.

Well I'm happy to report that it is as badass as everyone says. I'm far from finished with it (i haven't even tried the online play yet) but everything I've seen has been great. It did seem more difficult to play at first, which I attribute to a new driving engine. You may remember (probably not) that San Andreas got an updated engine with suspensions and more detailed handling characteristics. It made the cars a bit harder to drive at first, but you get used to it. Well, crank that up a few notches. I'm not gonna say they're lifelike, but the cars handle a bit more realistically than San Andreas's rendering. You can't just throw on the handbrake and expect to make that turn. You need to slow down if you actually expect the car to go that way. And when you mess up and hit another car or building head on, poor Niko goes flying through the windshield. I guess I haven't found the "wear seatbelt" button yet.

Liberty City is indeed rebuilt. I keep expecting to turn a corner and see a street that's a little familiar from another game, but that hasn't happened yet. So confusing is a term that might be thrown about when trying to navigate by memory. But luckily that doesn't happen too often, unless you're trying. The nav system is excellent with live route updating that you couldn't find anywhere a few years ago, let alone integrated into a video game.

I could go on, but I won't. I haven't actually bought a video game in a long while, just looking at the stacks of games on the shelf I don't want to play any more is deterrent enough. But now that I think about it, GTA is actually a cost saving device. I looked at my CC statement and so far this month, besides the game purchase, the only transactions have been at grocery stores. Now that might be in part because my jaw hurts and I'm on Ibuprofen all day, but I think its really because all I wanna do is go home and play that game...

• Auto-Inspiration: The Real-Life Cars Behind Grand Theft Auto IV

Virtual Resort.

I've never been to Disney World. And now thanks to Google, I don't have to. I can just load up the Disney model and fly through. Look at the buildings and the crowds from a nice, safe distance. That's pretty much the same as actually going, right?

• Official Google Blog: Explore Walt Disney World^® Resort in 3D

I'm Not Joining That Club Either.

Why are we so much better than the rest of the world? The rest of the world thinks maybe we should stop polluting so much and agrees to sign a treaty. We're a little standoffish. The rest of the world agrees that torture isn't cool, but we're not quite willing to commit on what constitutes "torture". Now the world pretty much doesn't like it when we drop cluster bombs on people, but we think that maybe it should still be allowed.

Anyone who played Worms in the mid-90's know that cluster bombs are indiscriminate killers. They bounce all over and usually end up killing your own damn worms. The article also details how bomblets lie in wait for unsuspecting victims.

unexploded bomblets can then lie dormant for years after conflicts end until they are disturbed, often by children attracted by their small size and bright colors.

I mean, COME ON! The least we can do is paint them in camo (don't you guys paint everything in camo?) or put a Mr Yuck sticker on them. Or I guess a Mr. Explodey sticker would be more appropriate.

• 46 Nations Push for Cluster Bomb Treaty - washingtonpost.com