Cooking Devices Derived From The Inquisition.

Okay, okay. So I may have been skeptical of specialized panini presses. I mean, sure its tasty when I get a sammich with lines on it from Pannera and everyhting, but never really thought its was oh-so-special. I was wrong. Panini means "make more delicious" in Italian. Like "you want I should panini that roast beef sandwich?" The answer should always be yes. Especially in winter. Hot meals are better than non-hot ones. I'll just have to hum a happy song to keep the sandwich screams from keeping me up at night. Daily Placebo does not condone sandwich torture and we're not willing to admit that Panini pressing is sandwich torture. But it seems like it.

The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year.

Sweet sacarine, I love those precious few days just after Christmas where all holiday lunacy is confined to people's houses and not let lose to vomit all over my world.  No more rabid shoppers running around (somehow very slowly) buying things to have bought things.  No more excessive decorations popping up on every street corner.  No more tinny bells shreaking outside the grocery store.  (honestly, who has change in their pocket after buying groceries any more?)  I really just like to luxuriate in the lack of consumer hordes and motorist clusterfucks.  Of course then there's that nice little reprieve in early January when people are shocked at the inhospitabe frigid void that winter is without tinsel and santa hats.  They stay inside until that first forecast of snow when they surge like locust on the local groceries and drugstores buying all the bread, milk and toilet paper they can lay their grubby hands on.

REM School.

Last night I learned that if you can't find your car and end up stealing a school bus, do not continue to pick up kids on their way to school. They are a pain in the ass. Also, school buses off-road surprisingly well.

Shit's Going Down In Bethesda.

That sounds like one big ass water main, to create a 4 ft wall of water.  Anyway, the Beeb picked it up and put it on my rss feed.  Its kinda odd to learn about local news from an international source.

Also, when I'm traveling internationally and people ask where I'm from and I say "Maryland" I sometimes wonder if I should take for granted that people A) know that I'm American and B) know what Maryland is.  This article makes me think yes.

• BBC NEWS | Americas | Flood traps motorists in Maryland

It Wasn't Us, It Was The Robots.

So, this seems kinda like we're not exactly sure what the flying death-machines we released in the middle-east are up to.  "Suspected" attacks by unmanned drones killed at least seven suspected Taliban members in Pakistan recently.  Plausible robo-deniability?  Of course this would have been easier to play off if John McCain hadn't laughed at Barrack during the debates about telling Pakistan before taking military action inside their borders.

"I'm not prepared to threaten it, as Senator Obama apparently wants to do, as he has said that he would announce military strikes into Pakistan. [...] Now, you don't do that. You don't say that out loud. If you have to do things, you have to do things [wink], and you work with the Pakistani government."

So basically the public position is that we're not sending airstrikes into Pakistan, and the Pakistani Government would consider it a violation of soverinity and counter productive.  But on the down low, we do and they don't say anthing.  Either that or we've got a bunch of predators that have gone all "Short Circuit" and are running vigilante missions in between make-out sessions with Ally Sheedy.

In fact, if you believe these sources, we've run at least 20 airstrikes in tribal Pakistani lands.  Of course this is all complicated by the fact that Afghanistan and Pakistan can't exactly agree where the borders are...

• Suspected US drone attack in Pakistan kills at least seven Taliban | csmonitor.com
• VOA News - At Least 8 Killed in Suspected US Drone Attack in Pakistan

REM School

Last night I learned that if you make the US Olympic warrior ninja obstacle course team, do not leave your Olympic id in you other wallet or they will make you use the public library for Internet access. The lines are horrible.

Adventures In Exotic Pets.

Help!  My dog stinks real bad and won't stop biting the shit out of me.  What should I do?  Also Its got a big bushy tail and is always digging burrows.  Well apparently you should take that thing to the zoo because its a rare fox.  That's what you get for buying weird animals that you've never seen and are not quite sure what they look like.  Now, I don't know exactly what a Pomeranian looks like, but I'm not trying to buy one either.  Something about the phrase "he found the dog hard to tame" seems deliciously understated.  Especially since this guy looks like he's been 'jacking off a bobcat in a phone booth'.

• Ananova - Man's pet 'dog' was rare fox

Actually this sounds way more reasonable than thinking a sheep is a poodle.

• Daily Placebo: Baaaaaad dog.

Driving makes people fat.

Or, rather, not walking (as enabled by driving cars) makes people fat.  As this miraculous new study discovers, the more people drive, the less they exercise.  The real shocking part of this article is the cited mileage that Americans average per year.  87 miles.  A year.  That's 0.238 miles a day.  The average person walks less than a lap on your high school track every day.  Makes you want to go run a mile doesn't it?

• Study Says Stop Driving, Fatty [Novelties] - Jalopnik

Categorize Me, Will You?

So I was checking out my account balance on the web for my Ruth's Chris frequent eater's card.  Yeah, I have a fancy steak card, big whoop, wanna fight about it?  Anyway, I noticed at the top of the page a little snippet that, for some reason, is getting to me.  Its the "Tier" section.  BDay Tier?  What, you think I only come in there for birthdays or something?  Almost makes me want to start going a lot more often to see if i get upgraded to "Swnk Plyr"  or "Rch MF" Tiers.  Almost.

Cubelicious.

Wow. Cube runner was one of the very first games I downloaded for my ipod.  It was free, simple and awesome.  Basically you're an arrow and you tilt the device to keep from running into cubes as you fly through the level.  Simple yet addictive.  I came with three level packs, and I think I did notice that there was an option to download more.  Which I didn't think to look into until now.

• Cube Runner: Level Packs « Neutron Dawn

Bam, really simply levels are text files with a bunch of xes all over the place.  So not only can you download more level packs, you can make levels to decimate your friends.  Cool enough?

Maybe not, but if you feel like you need control over the throttle, cube sprites, ship design, stackable obstacles, and an on device level editor, you can plunk down the three bucks in the app store.  I'm thinkin about it.

• Cube Runner 2 Now in App Store | FingerGaming

Friday Highlight.

Now this is a blog I can get behind.  I mean, there's only so many lolcatz I can stand.

Damn cute animals think they're better than me...

• Fuck You, Penguin

All Growed Up.

That was fast.  I feel like 100 days is some kind of record for a Google product coming out of beta. (gmail is still beta 4 and a half years later)  But the switch has been flipped and Chrome is now no longer one of the many undercooked (half-baked?) ideas simmering in the Google Labs.  Make sure to click "wrench -> about" to check for the latest version. (1.0.154.36)  Hopefully there'll be support for extensions soon to take care of those ads.

• Official Google Blog: Google Chrome (BETA)

Tips for Millionaires.

I know I'm not sitting around on mounds of bills, lighting cigars with Franklins, or devising other extravagant ways to waste money.  So I may not be in the best position to provide critiques to those who are, but here goes anyway.  If you don't have enough cash to paint your entire Aston Martin with gold paint don't paint any of it with gold paint.  Sweet jebus.

• Custom Cars: Gold Leaf "Premium Bond" Aston Martin DB7 Tackier Than Roger Moore

REM School.

Last night I learned that you do NOT want a pack of velociraptors loose on an underwater research station.

Puppies: Natures Space Heater.

Puppies will save your children.  Go get some.  Now.  A three year-old in Virginia was lost in the woods and kept warm by two puppies while he slept.  Now, as nauseatingly cute as this story may be, I can't help but read the article and chuckle.  Apparently this kids was:

last seen wearing a red long sleeve shirt, blue jeans and cowboy boots.  He may also be wearing a camouflage jacket.

Hmm... you gave him camo?  There's just something humorous about a kid lost in the woods wearing camouflage.  Although I guess it could be worse...
Kid's Ghillie Suit Set

• Missing three-year-old found safe in Halifax County | WSLS 10

Now I KNOW.

Okay, so a couple weeks ago I got pseudo rear-ended whilst on my way to return merchandise to the local Best Buy. (this is not an endorsement of Best Buy, in fact, tally that up on your list of reasons why retail is for suckers.) It was the old triple car bumper brawl where one person hits another and the hitee drifts forward like a jackass and crunches my tail as I gaze fixedly at the mirror in disbelief. Anyway, it wasn't very serious, but the bottom of my bumper was cracked thusly:

Do you see it? That line near the light part? Well, there's also some spider cracking of the paint in there too. The kinda thing that would have pissed me off every time I walked past the back of my car. If it'd been the civic I might have been less of a stickler about it. But I like my car and since I was just sitting there, and completely not at fault, I wanted them to fix it; damn it. So I jumped through all the insurance company loops. Talked to adjuster after adjuster; gave no less than 4 recorded statements; drove to my insurance company's office to have an estimate written. After an excruciatingly long period (of about 6 days) they all finally agreed that I shouldn't have to pay for the repairs. Booyah; I drop the RSX off at the body shop they specified and was shuttled to the Enterprise to take possession of this behemoth.
It was this or a white panel van. Seriously, that's all they had on the lot. Whatever, I was just glad I wasn't paying for a rental or taking the bus. I drive a small car with a tight suspension; this durango was absolutely cavernous and handled like a uhaul truck. Maybe I should have gone with the van. So after a week of walking in a soccer mom's shoes I think I'm in a better position to make this statement. SUVs suck. There is no reason for someone who drives on roads to haul around that much metal. I mean, yeah, it took speed bumps like a champion, but at what cost?

I didn't actually keep track of the mileage I got, but I have to assume it wasn't great. Here's the fuelly page for durangos, and while the 2007's may end up getting better mileage than previous years (there aren't any recorded fuel-ups for 07s) I'm gonna guess its not all that much better than an 18 average. Luckily I got to fill it up with that cheap crap fuel I haven't bought since 2007, so the 17 gallon half-tank was about on par with my usual full-tank price.

Whatever, I know, and you know, that SUVs get terrible gas mileage as a natural result of weighing a ton* more than my car. (*actually only 1829 pounds more.) What I really learned from this week was more about how an SUV drives. I actually got fairly comfortable maneuvering in close quarters. The turn radius was reasonable and the side mirrors were like full-length hallway mirrors. So when you see someone floundering in a parking lot, making 15-point turns or parking in two spaces, that person has either had their SUV fewer than three days or they are a terrible driver. No, the real concern to me was the transmission. I know its been a while since I drove an automatic, but I distinctly remember that when you let off the gas pedal the car begins to decelerate. This is not the case with the durango. At highway speeds removing my foot from the accelerator completely had virtually no effect for about a half mile. I'm not sure if this is a result of the engine's idle speed or the vehicle's mass, but I find it completely unacceptable.

In fact, in most cases, if I wanted to stop accelerating I had to tap the brake pedal. I'm not sure if I've ever decried over-use of brakes on the highway here, but I believe it to be the cause of numerous collisions and at best billions in wasted fuel and time. Although now I somewhat understand the phenomenon. These goram cars won't slow down without braking! Ridiculous. Now more than ever I think we should push to require tail-lights to be analog.

Anyway, I just figured I share my findings. There is a reason SUVs needlessly brake so much, although I'd rather we got rid of them than fix the problem.

Update
damn i love my car.

Art Day.

So here's some kinda collage I made with some of my pictures from walking around Silver Spring. 
I wonder what the Collage industry's ad campaign would look like. 
You know, if they were on the ball like those cheese or milk dudes.  

"Collage, the inept man's paintbrush."

Somehow I imagine them all playing to the lazy or artistically enfeebled among us.
I'm allowed to say that kinda thing cause I can't draw.  Trust me.